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10 Reasons I Wish I Were Christian Slater

September25

1) Christian Slater never ages. Luckily, through the use of Photoshop, neither do I!*

2) Starring in non-corny 80’s cult classics ensures that people like me cut their proverbial teeth on phrases like, “Talk Hard,” and “Chaos was what killed the dinosaurs, darling.”

3) If I were Christian Slater, it wouldn’t be creepy to have a crush on myself.

4) I could try and board a commercial airline with a gun in my bag and not have it be “potential terrorist,” but “quirky.”

5) I could be a vampire who DOES NOT SPARKLE. VAMPIRES DO NOT SPARKLE.

6) I could’ve been BFF with River Phoenix, my first television boyfriend from ages 6-13.

7) I could claim to have a “baboon heart,” and then die in the arms of my longtime love. Mostly, I just want to claim that I have a baboon heart, although I might call it “bonobo,” because it sounds cooler.

8) I’d much prefer to have “distinctive eyebrows,” than a “distinctively (dimply) ass.”

9) My sneering voice would allow you to impersonate Jack Nicholson over the phone, which increases not just my ability to get on radio shows, but also my credit line, as he’s got platinum EVERYTHING.

10) I could get Nerd Cred with a cameo role in Star Trek VI – which would mean that all nerds would listen to me. Forever (and we all know how much I heart nerds).

*A lie – I don’t own Photoshop. BUT I COULD. MAYBE.

posted under Televisions Husbands I Have Loved And Lost

21 Comments to

“10 Reasons I Wish I Were Christian Slater”

On September 25th, 2012 at 12:51 pm Ewokmama Says:
I miss him! Well, the young him. Didya ever see Legend of Billie Jean??
On September 25th, 2012 at 12:53 pm Cindy Says:
Oh, those delightful guys of the 80s. Such a shame that Sebastian Bach and Axl Rose aged so badly. Maybe they should get photoshop.
On September 25th, 2012 at 12:54 pm Lacey Says:
Lol! I have to send this to my husband as he has a total man crush on him. 2nd only to John Cusack of course.
On September 25th, 2012 at 12:54 pm Synnove Says:
I still bawl like a baby every time I see “Untamed Heart”… He was glorious in that…
On September 25th, 2012 at 1:24 pm @ComedyNinja Says:
10 Reasons I Wish I Were Christian Slater http://t.co/Ujn4ftFT
On September 25th, 2012 at 1:43 pm Triplezmom Says:
Oh girl, if you become Christian Slater, will you marry me?

Pump Up the Volume AND Heathers. You just can’t beat that.
On September 25th, 2012 at 1:59 pm Maggie Says:
You forgot: I could stalk a woman; stare into her window at night; send her flowers she doesn’t want & get her to fall in love with me. (Bed of Roses)
On September 25th, 2012 at 2:25 pm @JMRD Says:
RT @mommywantsvodka: 10 Reasons I Wish I Were Christian Slater http://t.co/AjAMRjCn
On September 25th, 2012 at 2:46 pm Tracie Says:
I’m a little scared of Christian Slater.
On September 25th, 2012 at 4:59 pm Grace Says:
Love him!

And River Phoenix?? I still cry when I think about him.
On September 25th, 2012 at 5:14 pm Kristin Says:
I like you better than Christian Slater…just sayin’.
On September 25th, 2012 at 5:46 pm Melissa Says:
To be fair, he has definitnty aged since Legen of Billie Jean lol. But I think he was about 13 then so that doesnt count. It was cool that he acted first with his sister though!
On November 14th, 2012 at 10:02 pm Person Says:
A very common misconception! Christian Slater and Helen Slater have NO relations. In fact, Christian admitted that he had a bit of a crush on Helen during the filming of Billie Jean. 😉
On September 25th, 2012 at 6:41 pm JodieGirl Says:
I kept a small framed photo of Christian Slater on my nightstand years ago… Yeah, I’m not married to that husband anymore!
On September 25th, 2012 at 7:21 pm tooks Says:
If I didn’t love you, I would take offense at #5.
On September 25th, 2012 at 8:10 pm @ItsADomeLife Says:
“@mommywantsvodka: 10 Reasons I Wish I Were Christian Slater: http://t.co/7fPw7Bw8” Hilarious!
On September 26th, 2012 at 11:05 am Lucy Ball Says:
I <3 Christian too…and also nerds.
On September 26th, 2012 at 3:47 pm Jane Gordon Says:
My husband has a total man crush on him!!
On September 28th, 2012 at 8:19 pm jeri Says:
If vampires sparkled, wouldn’t all that light turn them to dust? Or whatever they turn to?
On October 4th, 2012 at 4:35 pm I Can Feel Time Passing Faster And It Is Freaking Me Out | the818.com Says:
[…] Aunt Becky listed off Ten Reasons She Wishes She Was Christian Slater and I basically agree with every single […]
On October 4th, 2012 at 4:55 pm Laurie Says:
This rules.

I still have impure thoughts about Pump Up the Volume. All that radio equipment.