Mommy Wants Vodka

…Or A Mail-Order Bride

How Do You Feel About Princess Diana Jokes?


Before I launch into my fabulous guest post from my BFF Adam, I’m here and here.

Enjoy, Pranksters!

Avitable here – you may remember me from Becky’s birthday post and the most epic motherfucking soul portrait EVER. The reason for my post today is that I just wrote a book called Interviews with Dead Celebrities which compiles a series of, well, interviews with, umm, dead celebrities, that I’ve written about on my site over the last few years. Then I added a bunch of new material to it, put it together and published it on

This post is an exclusive look at one of the newly written interviews, previously unpublished online anywhere, and here to make love to your eyeballs. Please to be enjoying my interview with the deceased Diana, Princess of Wales:

Diana, Princess of Wales, interviewed after her death by Adam Avitable

Name: Diana, Princess of Wales

Born: July 1 1961

Died: August 31, 1997

Profession(s): Princess and member of the British Royal Family

Best known for: Princess Diana, known for her charitable endeavors, was also most famous for divorcing Prince Charles and later dying in a car crash in Paris with her companion Dodi Fayed, inspiring Elton John to write that song about her.

Fun fake fact: Her shit actually did not stink.


Avitable: Princess Diana, I apprec-
Diana: Knock it off. I know what you’re going to do, and I’m going to beat you to the punch.

Avitable: You know what I’m going to do?
Diana: Yes, and before you can start doing tasteless morbid jokes about me, I’m going to do them first.

Avitable: I don’t even know what you’re talking about!
Diana: Sure you do. Here we go.

What does world hunger and a Mercedes have in common?

Avitable: Diana can’t stop either.
Diana: There we go. What’s the difference between me and a blade of grass?

Avitable: About six feet.
Diana: Ha! What does Dodi stand for?

Avitable: Died On Direct Impact.
Diana: So hacky. What’s the difference between me and Casper the Ghost?

Avitable: Casper can go through walls.
Diana: Terrible! How am I like a cell phone?

Avitable: You both die in tunnels.
Diana: Okay, that one was slightly amusing. Why did I cross the road?

Avitable: Because you weren’t wearing a seatbelt.
Diana: Groan. When is a princess not a princess?

Avitable: When she turns into a pole.
Diana: Meh. What’s the one word I could have said that would have saved my life?

Avitable: “Taxi!”
Diana: Haha! Okay, that one was good. I think I got that out of my system.

Avitable: I’m glad – that was fun, but I was going to use this time to talk about your charity work and all of the good things you did during your life?
Diana: Oh, well we can do that, then!

Avitable: Too late! Now I just want to tell Princess Diana jokes! What’s the difference between jelly and jam?
Diana: I don’t know.

Avitable: You can’t jelly a Mercedes into a pillar at 65 miles an hour.
Diana: Did you just write that yourself?

Avitable: Yup.
Diana: It’s probably the second worst thing ever written in my honor.

Avitable: What’s the first?
Diana: That dreadful song written by the queen.

Avitable: The Queen of England wrote a song?
Diana: No. I’m talking about Elton John.

Avitable: Ba-dum-chihhh
Diana (bows): Thank you and good night.

If you enjoyed that interview, you can pick up Interviews with Dead Celebrities, currently available for the Kindle (or you can read it with the free Kindle app for your phone, iPad, or computer), and soon to be available in print.

If you didn’t enjoy it, you should buy a copy so you can make fun of it and deride it mercilessly. Either or . . .

Interviews with Dead Celebrities, a book by Adam Heath Avitable

9 Comments to

“How Do You Feel About Princess Diana Jokes?”

  1. On August 31st, 2012 at 1:20 am Just me Says:

    What do princess Diana and pink Floyd have in common?
    They both had great hits with the wall….

    I imagine this would upset my mom. Like we would ever had met a fucking princess. Oh, that sounds dirty!

  2. On August 31st, 2012 at 5:27 am Oh dear Says:

    Really? :s
    That was just weird…

  3. On August 31st, 2012 at 3:05 pm R Says:

    It’ll never be funny…sorry.

  4. On August 31st, 2012 at 3:17 pm July for June Says:

    Wow. This is really stupid.

  5. On September 1st, 2012 at 10:04 am A free book, a reminder on the awesomeness of community, and lots of thank yous | Avitable Says:

    […] on Friday’s anniversary of Princess Diana’s death (I really had no idea) by posting my interview with Diana, Princess of Wales, only otherwise available in the […]

  6. On September 1st, 2012 at 4:29 pm Cynthia Medina Says:

    THAT was funny 🙂

  7. On September 1st, 2012 at 10:22 pm Jillian Quiros-Madsen Says:

    I'm not very reverent and can find humor in virtually anything.

  8. On September 2nd, 2012 at 3:07 pm belless Says:

    I hate to admit it but the year she died I was Dead Princess Diana for halloween. Does this mean I’m a tasteless, horrible person? Cause I kinda already knew that

  9. On September 5th, 2012 at 3:34 pm Shan @ Last Shreds Of Sanity Says:

    Elton didn’t write the song. LOL Bernie Taupin did a re-write of of the lyrics for Diana, but it was originally written about Marilyn Monroe.

    “What does Dodi stand for?”

    “Died On Direct Impact.”

    Terrible but funny as hell!

Email will not be published

Website example

Your Comment:

My site was nominated for Best Humor Blog!
My site was nominated for Hottest Mommy Blogger!
Back By Popular Demand...