Today, I’m struggling with what to write, mainly because how the HELL does someone follow up a post like the above without sounding even more trite than usual (as you all know, I’m usually very, very trite). So rather than try to come up with something that sounds so annoyingly false and awkward, I am just going to give you an update on crap I’ve talked about before, but never thought to update about like a Good Aunt Becky should.

So, take this for what it is: fluffy, insubstantial, and likely dull as hell.

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Despite an afternoon filled with me staring out the window for the 5-0, none came to arrest me and throw me in the clink. Although it would make for some interesting blog fodder, (thanks, KC) I’ve been arrested before (gasp!) and it’s not nearly as exciting as the movies. Plus, the ink is hard to get off your fingers.

Thank you for reassuring me, The Internet, because for some reason, my hyperactive guilt complex had gotten the best of me and I had assumed the worst (imagine me trying to pack as much stuff into as small a suitcase as possible and hunting furiously for my passport as I wondered who would remember to pick up the cake if I was fleeing the country. It was close to this.)

Before you think me an absolute nutter, let me tell you a story: when I was a kid, my mother and grandmother took me to a craft show (eek. SCARY!) at the old courthouse for my county. I don’t think it’s a functioning court house or anything, but the moment I walked indoors, I got completely hysterical and began to freak the fuck out. I was convinced that they were going to arrest me for what, I can’t be sure. Reckless use of banana clips?

I was 8.

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After many, many months of repeated blood work (I *have* been complimented on my veins), and dosage increases, I have finally reached therapeutic dose for my thyroid issues (I HAVE A GLANDULAR PROBLEM, PEOPLE!).

Thyroid problems are extra annoying because it’s hard to determine what specifically is wrong versus what’s just how you are. Let me give you a wee list so that you may see what I’m talking about:

Depression (I have/had/am currently being treated for PPD)

Weight Gain (I heart cheeseburgers)

Lethargy (I have a newborn/infant/asshole toddler)

The list goes on and on, but rest assured all of the symptoms are totally non-specific. I only was diagnosed when I couldn’t get pregnant, and I’m sure had I gone to the doctor complaining of any of these ailments, I would have been sent on my merry way with an order to “exercise” and “eat better.”

And even though I now I have a new doctor to add to my ever-growing litany of specialists whose waiting room patrons are among the creepiest on the planet, it’s worth every weirdo-sighting I get to partake in.

Besides, I am now finally losing the rest of the baby weight (sadly, a year later) but now it’s actually COMING OFF, which does wonders for my mood (color me a pathetic girl if you must).

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And I saved the most exciting and prize-filled part for the best (you can’t say your Aunt Becky doesn’t like to buy people stuff, because SHE DOES). I wasn’t expecting to get so many heartwarming and thoughtful people participating in my Week of Kindness, so again, I’m thanking you from the bottom of my heart (I’d give you a sloppy wet kiss on the mouth, but I’m sick and you don’t need sickness, eh?).

I present to you this edition of winners (we’re ALL winners here on Mommy Wants Vodka!) who were randomly selected to get sent cool stuff from Aunt Becky (and Mr. Aunt Becky):

Andria at Boy Mom, who made a donation to Now I Lay Me Down To Sleep.

Jenn at That Psycho Family, who not only perpetuated the Love Train, but made several donations as well.

(golf claps all around!)

Honestly, it killed me not to send each and every person who performed an act of kindness something, but I’m not nearly organized enough to send that many things in the mail (which is why donating to the Salvation Army is better for me than eBay). So, until next time, I’m not worthy of all of you.

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*hugs* Internet, I love you to pieces. NOW MAKE USE OF THAT “EMAIL ME” BUTTON!