Scavenge ME!
This post is sort of like a scavenger-hunt on the way to an Easter Egg or whatever it is that those video game nerds always call it when you’re looking for something hidden, you know, like seeing Ariel’s boobs in the Little Mermaid? (tell me that wasn’t hilarious because being an animator for kids movies has to be pretty monotonous sometimes).
Anyway.
It’s not REALLY a scavenger hunt because I’m about to tell you precisely where to go and why you’re going.
I wrote a really hilarious post (if I do say so myself)(and I do)(because I’m narcissistic, DUH) and I had to hide it because at the end of it, I’m giving away a video camera that was given to me by a company. It’s part of the stipulation of my BlogHer Ads contract; I can’t actually give away stuff over a certain dollar value on a page with BlogHer Ads.
So I hid the page since I have no review blog.
But! Lest any of you get all, AUNT BECKY, NO REVIEWS OF SHIT, I’m not reviewing the camera. I didn’t even LOOK at the camera because I didn’t GET the camera because rather than KEEP the camera, I opted to give it away to my Pranksters. OBVIOUSLY.
The page is at the top of my blog under TOP-SECRET!! and I’m giving away a Flip MinoHD to yooouuuu!
But honestly, the post above the contest is just like any other. Not just annoying but stupid, too*.
And if you see anything wrong with the site, please email me at aunt.becky.sucks@gmail.com. I know that there’s a bug with email address cashing and I do not know why. Probably because of zombies slathered in mayonnaise.
For now, all comments for the contest will have to go onto the bottom of this post or on the page (woo-hoo, FIXED)! Because I will be compiling them into one big post, it’s not going to matter where they go, so don’t worry, Pranksters, ALL IS NOT LOST.
*also my 6 word autobiography.
why would zombies be slathered in mayonnaise? is mayo good with brains? or is the mayo to lure unsuspecting victims to their deaths?
My tv would have a menu option that allows me to recast any tv show. Thinking that Simon should just get up and perform already after criticizing yet another “Idol” contestant? BAM! He performs a perfectly dreadful version of “Livin’ on a Prayer.” Wishing that Kate Gosselin would die when she whines about her “low blood sugar” for the umpteenth time? BOOM! Betty White is now the 8’s mama. You can bet yur ass she won’t be taking any shit from Maddy. Feel like Oprah has finally lost her edge? POP! A full hour version of “Ask Aunt Becky.” Damn right.
Serious, I desperately want smellevision. But only for the good shit. SO, basically I want my tv to filter the nasty smells (you know the ones, when OUR tv husband (HOUSE) farts and the mics aren’t able to pick up the sounds but the smellevisionfilterdohicky thing could pick up the smell). So yeah, I want to smell all the yummy food network food and the Hell’s Kitchen lobster risotto, and Rachael Ray’s mac and cheese, etc. but the tv automatically knows to filter burps and farts and such out. 🙂
So…can I have the camera? Or do I have to actually like, do stuff, or whatever?
I want a TV that can do the dishes, go down on the hubby, potty train toddlers, and empty the litter box. You know, all the shit that I don’t want to do, or that interferes with my actual television watching time. Except for maybe the going down on the hubby part. That’s not so bad.
I would really be much happier if my TV had an auto-edifying option. This would automatically engage whenever my phone rang and/or someone stopped over, switching whatever mindless crap I’m watching (Sober House, anyone?) to something erudite and educational, maybe even in black and white. My shameful shows would remain my dirty little secret, and my friends would no longer have to try and rationalize why an otherwise intelligent and educated woman cannot stop watching drug addicted nobodies relapse.
Hmmm, I would have to say that I would like my television to deliver dinner whenever they have restaurant commercials when I am hungry.
When I hear “scavenge” I think vultures. And roadkill. Ick.
My television would have smell-o-vision and food-o-vision because it would transport any food that I want into my room….and it would only work if I walked on a treadmill for at least 30 minutes per day. Cause this prankster is getting too fat…..and I so need to win this, my camera is dead. and I am sad.
SO, like, how do I qualify for the winnings?
I didn’t know about Ariel’s boobs… I thought the little Mermaid easter egg was the dildo tower. Who framed roger rabbit had some fun stuff too.
I won one of those Flip cameras, too. They’re really cool.
So hey, you’ve moved the furniture around again. Now the whole left sidebar is at the top of the page. Sans photos. Man, you don’t want to come home here blind drunk. God knows what you’d trip over.
I am completely unable to ask people to vote for me. I can’t even find it within myself to ask people to like me on Facebook. Therefore, I am incapable of winning. But I’d like to share what I my dream TV would be able to do.
Teach me foreign languages (especially Chinese and Italian, you know, so I’ll sound cool ordering that kind of food) while blowing bubbles. Then life’ll be joyous, as there is always happiness around bubbles. Like at those fancy wedding that are too good for bird seed.
the only thing that is wrong with your site babe, is there is no picture of ME on it.
Obviously.
Huh? I confuse easily. And I think it’s been a couple of days since I visited because I’m lost. I’ll try back later. Can you draw me a map?
Bwahahaha! TELL ME ABOUT IT.