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National Pregnancy, Infant And Child Loss Day: Tables Missing One

October15

Band Back Together is doing a wall of remembrance as well. Please visit if you can. We’re also calling for submissions from our pregnancy, baby, child loss mama and daddies this month. Any issues logging in email bandbacktogether@gmail.com.

When I first started blogging, I found myself fitting in, not with the other mom bloggers, but with the fringe groups. The infertility bloggers, the baby loss bloggers, the special needs bloggers – those were people I could identify with much more so than the people I was supposed to fit in with. Maybe I hadn’t lost a child, maybe I hadn’t struggled in that very same way, but I had struggled in my own way.

We were the outsiders. The misfits. We had stories that no one wanted to hear about. Elephants sat at our tables, in corners and we were forever on the outside of normal, looking in. It’s the natural progression, I suppose, that I would create a space for us to gather. I’m proud of that. There are many of us outsiders. So many more than I’d thought.

When my daughter was born sick, it was no surprise that it was these people that came to my side with swords to help me slay my dragon, fluffy tissues to wipe the tears, and a barf bucket for when it all came to be too much.

I have an email folder that I’ve carefully saved every email I’ve gotten from that time that someday, I will print out to show my daughter. Most of the emails are from the people like me. Like most of you. The outsiders. The people who have been through hell but know how to make the ride a little…easier.

Today is National Pregnancy and Infant Loss day. Every year, I do a Wall of Remembrance for the people who have picked me up, dusted me off and wiped the barf off my face when I needed it most.

For that, I owe them everything.

According to the Center’s For The Disease Control’s Website, about 1 in every 100-200 births in the United States results in a stillbirth. The World Health Organization (WHO) estimates that 4 million stillbirths occur yearly worldwide. One in every four diagnosed pregnancies ends in miscarriage. The numbers for neonatal and postnatal deaths run into the tens of thousands.

Those numbers seem large to me, but even after having to take a statistics class to get through nursing school I can’t say that I’m much of a numbers person. My son, he likes numbers, which is why he’ll be off saving the world, one string of code at a time, while Your Aunt Becky sits here, mouth breathing and occasionally wondering aloud, “Is the INTERNET working?”

Numbers aren’t my thing. People are my thing. 1 in 100-200 sounds like a hell of a lot bigger number when you attach faces to those numbers. Faces, stories and names. People. My friends. My nieces, my nephews, their parents. Tables forever missing one. Lives cut short. Unlived.

Still born. Born still.

My friends. Their children.

Today, we remember.

Ashley

Hannah

Baby Morgan

Baby Twin lost at 8 wks

Kiara Jolie

Jellybean

Baby C miscarried at 12 weeks on 1/7/07

Robin

Brian

<3 speck, Peanut, and Bean <3

Mindy’s three angels

Baby Jersey Girl Gets Real

Caleb

Gabriel

Anne & Jed’s babies

Sydney

Athena Rose Moore – 24 weeks Gestation (2nd loss, only one named)

Baby 1 – 9 weeks

Baby B – Twin to my 13yo, 12 weeks

Baby 2 – 9 weeks

Baby JP

Kathlyn

Baby Cherry

Nicholas

Ellis

Tevin, Taylor & Tristen

Elijah Michael

Brenna

Kherrington Faith

Baby H and Baby Boy H

Kalila

Baby J A and Baby J B

Anna

Robert Alan

Lilee

Selena- lost pregnancy at 9 weeks

Liam

Jacob Lane

JoeJoe Sherman

Baby Nick

Jonathan

Baby K, Gabriel Connor, Christian Elliot and Andrew

Emmerson

Baby Kuyper

Mara S.

Nathan Michael

Eva and seven additional losses

Timothy, Taea, and Thomas

Kyle S.

John Addison

Raime, Elora & Connor

Ava and Nathaniel

Rose

Micaela, Angelica, and Frankie

Donald Angus

ETW’s seven losses

Becca’s twin siblings

Ryne Moyer

Marcus Reeves

Julian Ulysses

Becky

Caleb

Sean Isaac

Clayton and Skylar

Jessica Anne

Paul James

Ashlynn Brooks

David Lee

Babies Boone

David

Olcott-Lueke angels

Baby A and Baby B twin girls

Baby Girl B and Baby Boy A

Becca’s Twin Siblings

Jackson

Kaitlyn Grace

Brennan

Ellery

Robert Daniel

Quinn

Josie Ree Smith

Isabel

Issac

Samuel and Amelia

Draven Fredrick

Baby George – stillbirth

Eva and 7 other losses

In memory of my baby girl, Kaela Alexandria, 7 months and 4 days old when she passed.

Luke – stillbirth

Baby Ari, August 21, 2000.

Baby 1, August 2004, miscarriage. Baby 2, September 2009, and little baby girl Addison, accidental suffocation, 2008.

Ethan

Iris Rose, respiratory problems, three years old, April, 2012.

MTGracie – Her two little forget-me-nots.

Baby Roessler, miscarriage, 7 weeks gestation

Noah Issac (9/1999) and Angel Faith (6/2005)

Lidia Faith and Ronnie Jo aged 7 and 3 at time of death on 12/2/2010. They passed away in a house fire.

Our sweet baby Ava Rose, miscarried at 13 weeks on Oct 3, 2007. I will never forget. <3

Mackenzie. She’d have been 19 this year.

Patrick and Anthony, born at 22 weeks gestation. They would be 19 1/2, if they had lived.

Isabella Joy (miscarried in April 2003).

Thaddeus and Clara

Zephyrus Atiyyah

———–

I’ll add any names to this list so if you’d like me to add a name, please don’t hesitate to email me at becky.harks@gmail.com or leave a comment.

At Band Back Together, we have a Wall of Remembrance as well. Remembering, loving these lost souls is so very important to me.

At 7 pm tonight, October 15th, A Day To Remember, I will burn a candle in memorium.

Dona nobis pacem.

(give us peace) Lord, give us peace.

posted under Proof That Aunt Becky Has Feelings

49 Comments to

“National Pregnancy, Infant And Child Loss Day: Tables Missing One”

On October 15th, 2012 at 8:12 am Aunt Becky (@mommywantsvodka) Says:
National Pregnancy, Infant And Child Loss Day: Tables Missing One http://t.co/dhfP666k
On October 15th, 2012 at 8:39 am @krissieb Says:
thankful that my friends think of me. <3 to @enmoor2 for sending link. National Pregnancy, Infant And Child Loss Day http://t.co/UlbIAofW
On October 15th, 2012 at 8:56 am Cindy G Says:
You are all in my heart today.
On October 15th, 2012 at 8:58 am Anjali Says:
Thank you for doing this every year. Sometimes I like to pretend this day doesn’t exist– that my miscarriages never happened. But I need to remember. We all do.

Love to you.
On October 15th, 2012 at 9:20 am Your Aunt Becky Says:
Sending you so much love.
On October 15th, 2012 at 2:02 pm Joan Roylance Whiteford Says:
Wow. Thank you.
On October 15th, 2012 at 6:07 pm Becky Sherrick Harks Says:
You're so very welcome.
On October 15th, 2012 at 9:06 am Kristin Says:
I would love it if you added Eva and my 7 other losses http://dragondreamerslair.com/eeki-almost-missed-start-of-iclw/
On October 15th, 2012 at 9:21 am Your Aunt Becky Says:
Done and done! Loves you. Always remembering.
On October 15th, 2012 at 3:15 pm Kristin Says:
Thank you my friend. Abiding and remembering with you.
On October 15th, 2012 at 2:43 pm Kimmy Engelmann Says:
Iris Rose. We lost her to her respiritory problems at 3 years old in April.
Thank you for what you do. It makes a difference not just to those who have lost, but to those who live daily haunted by the knowledge of what could be coming. Some live on despite the odds, but some, for some that haunting fear will come to pass, and knowing we aren't living in fear alone makes it better, in a tiny way.
On October 15th, 2012 at 9:45 am Celeste Says:
Thank you for doing this. In memory of my baby girl Kaela Alexandria – 7 months and 4 days old when she passed.
On October 15th, 2012 at 10:16 am Your Aunt Becky Says:
Sending you and baby Kaela Alexandria love and light. We will never forget her.
On October 15th, 2012 at 2:47 pm Lisa Dellamano-Winterstein Says:
Thank you so much for posting all these precious names.
On October 15th, 2012 at 6:06 pm Becky Sherrick Harks Says:
We must remember. We must.
On October 15th, 2012 at 9:49 am Gena@BakeAllTheThings! Says:
I would be so appreciative if you added my good friend Jen’s son Luke – he was stillborn on September 10th. They have a fundraising page through OC Walk to Remember here: http://www.active.com/donate/2012ocwalk/LukesSkywalkers
On October 15th, 2012 at 10:16 am Your Aunt Becky Says:
Sending so much love and light. Luke will be always remembered.
On October 15th, 2012 at 11:38 am Sherry Says:
Becky…would you add Ethan to this list. One of my besties had a stillborn several years ago. She doesn’t wallow. Doesn’t linger. Doesn’t question why. But it still hurts her heart and I’d like him to be remembered.

Thanks…you rock the Internets (and the Twitter…but I don’t twat…I mean tweet. Freudian slip.)

Sherry
On October 15th, 2012 at 1:06 pm Your Aunt Becky Says:
I’m happy to add Ethan to the list. He’s up there now. Sending your friend love and light today and always.
On October 15th, 2012 at 11:50 am Jennifer Says:
You are such a blessing, Becky. If it weren’t for you then I would not know about this holiday~so thank you SO much for bringing attention to this day each year. Today I am remembering my miscarriage in August, 2004, another in September, 2009 and my little girl Addison who died due to accidental suffocation while she had her last nighttime feeding with her daddy in 2008.
On October 15th, 2012 at 1:06 pm Your Aunt Becky Says:
Today we will all remember your precious babies.
On October 15th, 2012 at 11:57 am Tina Says:
Baby Ari August 21, 2000. Thank you AB. Thank you for being such a wonderful friend to all of us. 🙂
On October 15th, 2012 at 1:06 pm Your Aunt Becky Says:
Baby Ari is on my list and we will always remember. Love you and Ari.
On October 17th, 2012 at 8:02 am tina Says:
<3 Thank you 🙂 I think of her every time I hold a newborn.
On October 15th, 2012 at 6:17 pm Jodi Spade Roessler Says:
Thank you. Sent an angel of mine for you to add. Thank you so very much.
On October 15th, 2012 at 2:15 pm Lisa Says:
Our sweet baby Ava Rose, miscarried at 13 weeks on Oct 3, 2007. I will never forget. <3
On October 15th, 2012 at 2:27 pm Dorann Winburn Says:
Noah Issac (9/1999) and Angel Faith (6/2005)

also add these two very special children:

Lidia Faith and Ronnie Jo aged 7 and 3 at time of death on 12/2/2010. They passed away in a house fire.
On October 15th, 2012 at 2:42 pm Your Aunt Becky Says:
Added. Sending much love and light.
On October 15th, 2012 at 2:29 pm Kristine Says:
Thank you Aunt Becky for remembering Cora, and all of the other babies gone too soon.
On October 15th, 2012 at 2:42 pm Your Aunt Becky Says:
We will never, ever forget our Cora.
On October 15th, 2012 at 3:46 pm October 15 – Pregnancy and Infant Loss Awareness Day « One day this blog will have a snazzy name Says:
[…] candle, for all of us missing one, two, or more at our tables (that link is to Aunt Becky’s Wall of Remembrance, for families missing babies, a wonderful […]
On October 15th, 2012 at 4:51 pm @JLRoessler Says:
National Pregnancy, Infant And Child Loss Day: Tables Missing One http://t.co/cuENwl6D via @@mommywantsvodka
On October 15th, 2012 at 8:09 pm Liz Says:
Isabella Joy (miscarried in April 2003).

Thank you, Becky. Because my pregnancy happened as a result of rape, I don’t talk about it in my personal life- but almost ten years later I still mourn the loss. Thank you for giving me a safe place to say that I miss my baby.
On October 16th, 2012 at 11:16 am Your Aunt Becky Says:
Of course you miss your baby. Sending you love and light. I’m so very sorry for your loss – that must be devastating.
On October 16th, 2012 at 2:05 am Mel Says:
Mackenzie. She’d have been 19 this year.
On October 16th, 2012 at 11:14 am Your Aunt Becky Says:
Added your darling Mackenzie.
On October 16th, 2012 at 2:08 am alexis (You can call me Al) Says:
I have two older brothers who died shortly after they were born at 22 weeks of gestation. Their names are Patrick and Anthony. They would be 19 1/2. if they had lived.
On October 16th, 2012 at 11:15 am Your Aunt Becky Says:
Added your brothers. I’m so sorry, Al.
On October 16th, 2012 at 3:02 pm Michelle Says:
My family has a horrible track record for baby loss. My mother lost two before me (a boy and a girl) and my father had two boys with his first wife that didn’t make it. I should have 4 older siblings that I never got a chance to know. I also have 6 of my own little ones that will be waiting for me. Bailey Alexis lost Jan 23, 2007 and her 5 brothers or sisters (2 before her and 3 since). Their brother and sister will be told about them when they are old enough to understand, they will always be loved and always remembered.
On October 16th, 2012 at 7:50 pm Summer Says:
Becky, thank you so much for remembering our angel, Ellis Jane. You have a true generous heart and giving spirit.
On October 16th, 2012 at 8:04 pm tash Says:
I’m so sorry I’m late to this, but want to thank you profusely and from the bottom of my cynical and foul-mouthed heart for always remembering, always being there, and never shying away.

Just saying, speaking, writing my daughter’s name means so, so much. Much love to you Becky.
On October 17th, 2012 at 9:52 am Kim Says:
thank you, Becky. at this time when you ave a lot of things going on in your life, you take the time to remember our children. I thank you, interweb friend. <3
On November 4th, 2012 at 7:40 pm Holli (B's Mom) Says:
You always remember my girl, and I will always love you for that.

I’m still reading, just not commenting much. Much love to you, and I’m so glad to see you living life on your terms.
On October 15th, 2014 at 7:19 pm Jessica Says:
There’s a candle burning in my window for all of you and for the babies I’ll never have
On October 16th, 2014 at 9:01 am Elizabeth W Says:
Thanks for remembering these sweet babies.

Ella Elizabeth still born on 11/12/2007
On October 25th, 2014 at 1:06 am Alexis Says:
Nicholas and Christopher were my parents’ first twins who lived for minutes (Nicholas) and two days (Christopher) just under two years before my brother and i were born.
On January 13th, 2015 at 11:12 am Jennifer Says:
Please remember Jamie Born August 29th 1987 At 30 weeks and passed away on August 29th 1987 due to respitory failure thank you
On January 15th, 2015 at 10:07 pm Tara Says:
I would like to add Aurora – just a gut feeling it was a girl – who passed at 12 weeks gestation. Her baby brother was born a year later at 37 weeks.
On February 13th, 2015 at 3:49 am alexis Says:
My mom lost Nicholas and Christopher to prematurity-related causes in 1993