Go Ask Aunt Becky
Hey, Aunt Becky,
I have a problem. All of my life I’ve thought of myself as straight, but now I’m starting to doubt myself. I still want a husband and to have babies, but I’m also thinking about girls too. I don’t want to say anything to my Mom because even though I know she wouldn’t care, I’m so unsure I don’t want to upset her if it’s not really necessary. I just don’t know what to do or who to talk to to find out what I’m really feeling.
Confused
Here’s the thing, Prankster – sexuality exits on a spectrum and we may feel anywhere from completely straight to completely gay. Sexuality is also something that doesn’t have to be labeled – you might be bisexual, homosexual or straight, but you can also fall somewhere in the middle. You like who you like.
So my advice is this: explore your feelings (SAFELY) and see where it takes you. Maybe you’ll end up married with a wife and babies. Maybe you’ll end up with a husband and babies. Maybe you won’t. You don’t have to decide right now.
I wish you luck, mah Prankster. It’s going to be an awesome journey for you!
Hi Aunt Becky,
I don’t really have a question I just need to get this out. My five year old told me tonight that a classmate has been grabbing my child’s butt while they wait in line at school. My child hasn’t told anyone but me because they aren’t allowed to speak while they are in line.
I feel sick for my child but also for the other child involved. What the hell is this poor kid exposed to that grabbing ass at school becomes okay? I need a drink but at this point I’ll settle for a (nice, clean) hug. 🙁
Sincerely,
Heartsick
Dear Heartsick, first things first: HUGGGGGGGS!
Now, onto the depressing bit. You need to report what happened to the teacher and/or principal. Like you said, you don’t know what’s going on at home – maybe it’s nothing or maybe it’s something. Either way, this should be reported.
Here is the Band Back Together resource page for child abuse and the page for child sexual abuse.
Child abuse is rarely faked, so it’s important to take any allegations of abuse seriously. If a child comes to you with claims of abuse, call 1-800-4AChild to report abuse or get help.
I wish you the best, Prankster. I’m so sorry.
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Pranksters, it’s time for YOU to help! What advice do you want to leave for these posters?
Also: feel free to submit any questions so I can poorly answer them. The link is at the top of the screen!
Good advice, I think you covered most of it! I guess I’d add that the age of Confused matters a bit. Is she in high school, living at home? Or out on her own? Because when she’s on her own, either at college or just in life, it’ll be a lot easier for her to explore what she wants without telling anyone, until she’s ready to.
Confused,
My daughter started questioning her sexuality in high school then explored it in college thinking she might prefer females. It turns out she likes males more than females. But, how would she have learned that if she hadn’t explored? Give yourself time to think a lot first then safely try it out if you are still not sure. Be fair with the female you choose to explore with, if you decide to try it, by telling her up front that you are not sure.
I am not sure that is the answer. The FIVE year old may just be mimicking that he sees at home. And but butt grabbing is totally appropriate for adult parents. amd totally apppropriate.
LW#1 — Truly…you don’t need to decide now. Or ever. I recommend tossing the labels entirely and deal with feelings toward people as they arise.
LW#2 — When our son was in 1st grade I got a very nice email from another mom that our son was doing something similar to hers…also in line. I was hugely embarrassed but grateful she let us know. When I spoke to our son, he explained that he thought this was a funny way to scare/surprise/startle someone (like sneaking up from behind and shouting “BOO!” … but without talking…which is similar to this situation). So, we had to have a talk about the fact that this behavior is inappropriate if people don’t agree to it in advance, and he agreed that I should tell the boy’s mom that he won’t do it anymore. That way he wouldn’t have to be embarrassed by apologizing for something he didn’t know was wrong, and his friend wouldn’t have to be embarrassed to find out that his mom talked to our family about it. So, that solved the problem for us. Telling the teacher/principal is very appropriate, but if you think the other parent is receptive, that could easily solve the problem as well.
Can you imagine if every time your child did something inappropriate, Child Services came to your house?