Dispatches From The Gremlins In My Colon. Er…Living Room
What holiday would be complete without a discussion of my colon?
THE ANSWER IS ALWAYS: NONE.
Somewhere along my Mars Cheese Castled Journey (I’m thinking we Midwestern Bloggers need to field trip it up there, yo. It’s a CASTLE of motherhumping CHEESE) to Wisconsin, I seemed to have picked up a Ghost in my Colon, which effectively means that I’ve been crapping out the lining of my digestive tract for the past 12 hours. It’s pretty rad.
But this weekend has been FULL of awesome post ideas and excellent happenings. Most full of the awesome is that The Daver completed the new navigation for Band Back Together:
Full of The Awesome PICTURE Navigation
This matters to a whole three of you, but this means that you can simply click a picture and it will take you to the page with all of the subcategories. You can access it from the main page or the browse posts option at the top of the site.
ALSO, and probably most importantly, there’s a READ ALL POSTS option at the top of the screen on Band Back Together, too. Like any normal blog feed, it’ll take you to the most recent posts. Sweet ass in the mornin’! Just not *ahem* MY sweet ass. Not today.
Anyway.
ONTO THE DISPATCHES.
The moment my son saw his sister get dressed up for Thanksgiving, he wanted to bring his, you guessed it, AWESOME COSTUME. Who could blame him? I’m still stuck wearing happy pants and my binder. I’d totally have worn a butterfly costume if I could have.
And next year, he wants to be SATURN. The planet, not the car. I think I need to start searching for that costume, uh, NOW.
Thanksgiving Flutterby
While my son fluttered, his sister made my ovaries melt with her Hello Kitty dress. This was one of the first things I bought for her when she was a wee fetus and when she saw it, she was all, “KITTTTTYYYYY!” because she loves Hello Kitty. Just like her momma.
In this picture, it appears as though she is plotting world domination. She probably is. Just like her momma.
Hello, Kitty!
I have a third son but no Thanksgiving picture of him because he was staring gape-jawed at the television and all of the pictures made him look like he may have been catching flies rather than watching the game.
This is my first family portrait and proof that I am an artistic genius. I think I must’ve drawn this when I was 12 or maybe 20.
The picture is only funny when you notice one thing…
SMILE!
Look at the smiles on my mom and I. Then look at the smiles on my brother and my father. Could they LOOK any meaner?
HILARIOUS.
And this is only the best thing ever:
Notice, it does NOT say, “Aunt Becky, Mediocre Blogger.” Ah, how the (not-so) mighty have fallen.
—————–
How was your holiday, Pranksters?
The most awesome thing about that art is that it’s framed and I presume hanging in your parent’s home.
The dress is pure love and I’ll totally help with a Saturn costume! Not sure what help I could provide, but you’re building a planet? I want in!
Next on your to do list? Call for an exorcism. That’s the post I want to read.
Bwahahaha. I am ALL FOR an exorcism. My colon is VERY unhappy which means I’m unhappy.
Love this!
No, not your insides turning outside, but the awesomeness of your kids and their art.
And also? Thanks for the regular old navigation on Band Back Together. I’d been wondering about that.
Hope the colon ghosts have gone back into hibernation.
I survived Thanksgiving weekend. And that’s all I’m saying about it. (Who am I kidding, I’m in the middle of writing 2 blog posts about it, which will be finished hopefully by New Years)
Love to you!
When I started the site, I gave navigation a TON of thought and figured people would want the categories really, really separate. Turns out? NOPE.
This post is full of Awesome!!!! I used the Read All Posts option today & LOVE it! Now I need to go back & look at the pretty pictures!
I love pictures…what was I saying, I got distracted.
Isn’t it rad? I’m SO HAPPY WITH IT.
I just have to say that every time I glance at the ads on your sidebar and see “teabags are bullshit” I laugh until I almost puke and then I go about my day with renewed faith in the human race.
When I got that gem uploaded I actually laughed so hard I had to lay down.
I think I could have explained the butterfly costume a lot easier than my son’s predilection for my black patent leather thigh high boots which he ROCKED as a little ‘un.
Hope your colon gets back in check. Mine went through the ringer (wringer?) not so long ago. I feel your pain. I spent a full day pooping, too but it had nothing to do with Thanksgiving.
Lovin’ the Band Back Together Nav. Eat that, TomTom.
only you would have made a childhood drawing depicting yourself as an obstetrician. seriously. I think I drew myself as a deformed ballerina.
tell amelia that she can’t have world domination yet, as my 7yo has asked for world domination and a lego set for christmas (i don’t really want to know what he plans on doing with that lego set once he rules the world…).
I seriously *heart* your kids. I will totally make your son a Saturn costume.
But really, I had the best Thanksgiving weekend I’ve had in years. Super fun times.
Hope you feel better soon, Miss Aunt Becky! (& PS LOVE the new BB2G options!)
I really hope your son is not a Lion’s fan. That is a road of heartbreak and tragedy that I have seen too many men go down. Around these parts, the end of the Lion’s annual embarrassment is the signal to start dinner, and exactly why the Kittycats will suck until they are sold has kept Thanksgiving dinner from ever turning awkward. Confusing, yes, awkward, no.
Also, Hello Kitty is ridiculously adorable.
So stinking CUTE. We love Hello Kitty too – oh and world domination. 😉
My holiday was full of the rock. As in it rocked so hard my pants had trouble staying on. New car and refinished cabinets do that to me. What can I say? I’m pretty easy.
Hope your colon gets in line soon.
I had a great holiday weekend with my family until I woke up Sunday early AM & couldn’t breath because of my stupid fucking habit. So I am now I have decided to kick that nasty habit … now I am either an evil bitch ready to scream at people or I am crying because someone spoke to me in a manner I didn’t care for. Shit I feel like I am on a steriod dose of PMS!!!!
Ok so I know no one really cares but felt I could share that here & not really be judged for being a bit of a crazy bitch right now!
Hang in there! Breathing is totally worth it, even if your family doesn’t think so right now.
Something from the interwebs to make your colon feel better;
http://www.leahpiepgras.com/objects/index.php
Click the pictures. Seriously… click them. It’s epic.
<3
holy crap.
there really is a market for everything…
Sorry I got hung up on the ‘accurate representation of semen’
Man, I’ve got a few people I want to serve with that dessert plate!
What did I most notice in this post? The fact that you labeled the butterfly costume pic “flutterby”. Cause let’s face it…that makes so much more sense. I mean “Butter”fly? What is THAT?! I’m sure an etymologist would know…but wouldn’t it just be easier to change the word then to find one of those?
My colon is always unhappy. I’m considering giving up food all together. On the positive side, I’d be skinny. Crazy bitchy crabby…but skinny.
Pooping out the lining of your large colon equates to:…wait for it…Weight loss! Fucking A – REJOICE! I still half of a frickin’ turkey lurking up there. But seriously…your kids are the bomb. They rock. Love the family drawing and love you too.
Okay seriously I know your pain right now. I have IBS and if I eat something tasty I can have that problem. EW.
Also, your kids are adorable. Want to trade them for three somewhat attractive twenty-something boys? Because I’ll trade you. I’m really good with kids. The boys are … well … their idiots but I love them. You would too … maaaaaaaybe.
And also, LOVING the new site layout over at Band Back Together. SO glad I posted over there too … I feel SO relieved ever since I did. Like a huge weight lifted, you know?
I ate like 3 different Thanksgiving dinners and recieved leftovers from all of them. I might be hungry again by the time Christmas rolls around.
Apparently you and my 6 year old attended the same art school. Honest to God, he draws his “people’ the exact same way…..and, well, good luck with that whole colon thing. ouch!
I will totally make your lovely boy a Saturn costume 🙂
An I am blown away that you even knew what an obstetrician was at that age! Kudos 🙂
Spent Thanksgiving at the hospital with my Linda Lou. Had me an institutional Thanksgiving dinner, lucky me. First institutional Thanksgiving dinner since I was in the Service, which was better than the C Rations we got when we were in the bush. A while late our daughter and her hubby and their three boys showed up. Then it was time to drive sixty miles home to the dogs. Retirement is so exciting.
That little girl of yours should marry one of my grandsons. They could dominate the World together. She should choose soon, I only have nine to choose from, she should pick hers before they’re all gone.
True story. Before I ever married my Linda Lou I was sharing a house with a couple of other guys. Linda Lou decided she was going to fix Thanksgiving dinner for us all. She did. And she somehow let the turkey get infected with intestinal plague. I could have pooped through a screen door without hitting wire. Shows how dumb I am, I married her anyway. Sigh.
Mars Cheese Castle — I’ve never been there. Now I must go. Road Trip!
And hooray for the BB2G navigation.
Last, but not least, hope your colon is feeling better soon!
I would TOTALLY take over the world if I had a Hello Kitty dress.
Can you imagine The Kitster over this rack?
There is the issue of a proper foundation garment, though.
And I hate few things as much as I hate bra shopping.
This plan may be harder than I thought.
Sorry about your colon, Becky. [Does everyone else hear John Cusack saying, “Sorry about your mom, Ricky,” from Better Off Dead when they say sorry about whatever? Because I do, all the time. Poor John Cusack, stalked in my mind.]
I am down for a field trip to the cheese castle. Seriously. Let’s lock that shit down.
Love the costumes. I’m thinking Costume Thanksgiving next year.
What I notice first about the family portrait is that the “sister” (You, I presume?) is the largest figure. The second thing I notice is that the children are standing on top of the parents! I suppose the interpretation can be left up to the viewer, right?
Poor baby! Get some cheese in that colon! Now!… While you were flushing through your holiday memories, I was enjoying my first holiday WITHOUT a cold, in years… Guess we just have to take what comes, eh wot? Please get better, soon, but don’t rush things… You don’t want to have to head back in for any damage… Love the new layout at Band Back, too… Come visit when you can…
Our DD LOVES Hello Kitty, too. I got her a super cute T and she wants to wear it every day now. Even though it’s getting too small and it’s way too cold for a T-shirt.
She’s so adorable!..my DD also loves hello
kitty. she want me to buy the latest from
hello kitty.. cute blog love it!