Why I Do What I Do
After spending most of the day imagining many adventures where Mr. Pinchey, my imaginary Monkey Butler and I rode horses through the Australian Outback looking for pirated treasure and eventually roasted some shrimp on the barbie, I got down to some serious thinking. After, of course, I ate a hot dog. Mr. Pinchey stories always makes me hungry.
I’ve been thinking a lot about why we blog.
As my friend Cecily recently pointed out, a lot has changed in the time since we dinosaurs started our dinky blogs. I mean, when I started, WordPress (which I think was Typepad back then) didn’t even have a spell-check feature–which explains the abysmal spelling of many of my imported posts–it had a “BOLD,” “ITALICS” and “STRIKE-THROUGH” button at the top of the post. That’s it.
I started to blog on Mushroom Printing because, as I’ve said many times, it seemed like a good idea at the time. I began Mommy Wants Vodka because I needed a space where I could let it all out. Mushroom Printing was supposed to be a humor blog and once Alex was born, I needed a space where I could talk about my kid, too. Somewhere that I could be Becky, In Real Life, not just Becky, The Motherfucking Clown.
I kept on blogging because I’m a compulsive freak who has to do the same thing every day, lest my brain explode into a pulpy, spattery mass, and I’ve watched as bloggers come and go. Some of them good, some of them great, some of them terrible. I’ve added and deleted links from my blogroll, mourning the dead blogs of my friends while I happily added new ones.
But last night, as I read what Cecily wrote, I found myself nodding along, because she’s right. Memoir-style blogging, blogging where we bare our soul and tell stories and let our ugly warts hang out for the world to see, these blogs seem to be dying.
Instead, I find new blogs (not yours, Pranksters) that present a sanitized version of life, a Palmolive commercial, if I may (and I always may, because this is my blog and I am sponsored by myself and the pennies I find in the couch cushions). Life is good, children are adorable, and wouldn’t you know it, gosh-darnit, Jim, my darling-hubby is just the cutest darn guy on the planet!!!
I get it. I do.
Bloggers don’t want to bare themselves or open themselves up to criticism or scare off potential companies who will be all, “wow, this blogger says, ‘fucking shit,’ we’d better not pay her a boat-load of cash to shill our crappy product!” They don’t want to embarrass their children or spouses by telling the world that hey, you know what? SOMETIMES MY KIDS SUCK, TOO. SOMETIMES, I HATE MY SPOUSE. They don’t want to blog their life as it really is for whatever reason. I get it.
But in turn, that dehumanizes the blog, makes everyone seem like beige paint, and makes me, quite frankly, bored. If I want to watch a commercial about how life is supposed to be, I’ll turn on the television and watch it. I know how my life doesn’t stack up by comparison to the sunny television kitchens, and I don’t care.
I love my imperfect life. Maybe not every single day, but most days, I do. My imperfections are what make me human, and being able to come here every day and be honest about them is why 6 years later, I can still do it.
I don’t make much money off my blog. I’m not sponsored by Colgate or Crest or Palmolive, or even a vodka company. I run ads so that I can pay for hosting for this blog and Mushroom Printing. If I had to change who I was to be more popular or become “Mommy Wants Vodka by…xxxx Big Company,” I wouldn’t do it. Because that’s not me.
I’m ugly in the mornings. I don’t always say the right things. My entries are too long and not always edited and I can’t spell to save myself. I swear. A lot. I’m unapologetically who I am. You probably won’t always like me. I’ll probably always like you.
If I can offer new bloggers one piece of advice it’s this: write hard. Be authentic. Write because you can’t imagine not writing. Write because those beautiful words get stuck in your head like butterflies beating against your skull until you let them out and BAM! there they are on paper, in front of you and it’s perfection.
Even if you’re the only one who reads it: write hard. Do it for yourself. Don’t ever doubt that you can do it or that you should do it. Just do it and stop second guessing. Second guessing is for amateurs and punks.
Write hard, my Pranksters.
—————–
So, why do you blog, Pranksters? Alternately, why don’t you? I’m throwing up a Mr. Linky if you want to answer on your own site.
This is why you’re one of the blogs I still read. You’re real. You don’t bow down to the man with the $$$. And I love you for it.
Great post! I used to struggle with my ex, then not my ex, about what I was ‘allowed’ and ‘not allowed’ to write about. Censorship begins early enough for kids, it’s great that you’ve taken control of that back for yourself!
But what if I want a sunny television kitchen?
Also, yeah. You totally copied me, except you made it smarter.
I’ll never get sponsors. I’ll probably never have thousands, or even hundreds of readers.
I swear. I bitch about my job, my kid, my husband and my life. My kid is cute, but she’s also two and two? Is fucking insane.
But my words? Are all me. And that’s all I can do. I don’t know how to be anything else.
love this post! Could not agree more. My blog is just a teeny tiny thing out there in the blogosphere and it took me a long time to be okay with that, but it is what it is.
BlogHer9 totally overwhelmed me with its Expo and it’s sponsorships, yadda yadda yadda. I didn’t even know that stuff, or those types of blogs, existed until my first trip to BlogHer. I thought we were all out here just telling our stories and sharing our truths. More power to those women supporting their families by promoting products on their blogs, but that’s just not why I got into this; its like an entirely different universe to me.
I’m glad you’re out here, writing hard & inspiring me to do the same.
this is just one of the many reasons I find you incredibly sexy and often the object of my inappropriate dreams. seriously. I describe myself as “not a real blogger” because I refuse to put up recipes and how to create home made mitten heaters with matching bunny rabbit rain boots. Yeah sometimes I am crafty or creative or june cleverish but most of the time I am in my pj’s hair in a pony tail and above all a smart ass. So I will probably never get sponsored by anyone other than Summers Eve since I imply the entire surface of the earth needs to be douched to cleanse it of all the losers and twits. I am me. I write for me. I love when people read “me” that is all I will ever be. just m e.
I’ll come back and grab Mister Linky a little later (’cause that group-grope thing doesn’t always work for me) but I just wanted to say “THANK YOU!”
I have had to listen to a lot of crap over the years from people who’s lives and thoughts are every bit as vile as mine, but who are willing to sell their souls for “approval” from the internets.
Fuck them!
I am who I am and even if I tried to change for everyone else, there’d still be people who didn’t like me!
The reason I love your blog is because you’re you. Because you aren’t afraid to let your readers in and share your life, both good and bad, I feel like I know you. Don’t worry, not in a creepy, stalkerish way. The blogs I’ve read that are like the ones you described bore me and don’t keep me reading. Who wants to read about a perfect life with a perfect family and husband? Not me
I love your blog BECAUSE you’re unapologetic, you’re real and raw. Motherhood, life, isn’t perfect and to pretend otherwise is naive and kind of insulting. It’s not sunny every day- sometimes it rains, sometimes our cars break down, our kids get sick and life sucks and we need to acknowledge that just as much as me need to acknowledge that through it all, we’re okay.
I blog for the same reason you do, to let it out. I don’t care if anyone reads it, I write because I need to. I write because if I didn’t, I’d probably explode.
Brilliant. Thank you.
I always share the shit. I feel dirty if I put on this monkey show saying: my life is perfect, I’m perfect, my kids are perfect. LIFE IS AWESOME! Because some times it’s not and I’m not.
I’d much rather read someone’s REAL LIFE than a Made for Blog version which stinks to high heavens of FAKE.
I love you, and I love that there are some of us dinosaurs still kicking (even though, I’m kinda not since I blog, like, NEVER.) and willing to put up a fight for real memoir-style blogging.
After months of floundering, I’d finally published my first entry last night. I was feeling nervous, boring, someone who didn’t have anything to say. Thank you for this post. You have impeccable timing.
Reading your blog is something I look forward to daily. I need it, a bit too much sometimes, but because you are real, and because you crack me up, I know that I will probably have a tear or a smile after reading whatever it is you have to say on any given day.
Thanks for that Aunt B. for realz.
Ya know, I think there will always be a place for bloggers who let the ugly shine through, because the need to connect is real. It’s basic humanity, you know? And it is through our ugliness that we make the deepest connections.
I’m holding on tight to my “if you build it, they will come” dream. đ
I blog because I hate talking about myself: I’m forcing myself to do the very thing that makes me squeamish. Recently I have decided that it’s time to stop putting other people’s needs before my own (and I’m not even married or have kids: ha!), and to start confronting the emotions and feelings that scare me and make me anxious, including little things like writing for all the world to see. Just as you are working to reclaim yourself, I am working to pull myself out of the rubble of self-doubt and anxiety of putting my awesome self out there. Because we’re worth it, dammit.
I love your blog and don’t change a thing.
I blog in order to write. That is my main, huge, big purpose reason I have for blogging. Not to please others, not to make money, just to WRITE.
So where does that leave people like me? People that really only blog about the funny things that happen in life and prefer to leave the shitastic stuff at home? I do that to avoid the humiliation and hate that I will get from the people in my life. Sure, maybe it’s like having my safety switch on but if I didn’t – I wouldn’t have any friends or family left.
Your blog is honest. Honesty is what matters.
Because you are real, because your blog is a living memoir full of wisecracks and f-bombs, I read you nearly every day. If what Cecily fears is true, that the memoir blog is a thing of the past, then I too am a thing of the past because that is the only kind of blog I envision myself writing. I write abotu the shit in my life, good or bad, so that while I write about it I can think about what is happening, why its happening, what it means to me. I hope that the small group of really lovely people who read it might find something in it that resonates. Because I have non-neurotypical children (the fancy-schmancy way of saying “bipolar” “ADHD” and “anxiety disorder”) I also blog in hopes of finding other parents out there who live with our issues, to advocate for my children, to maybe educate, and a lot of times to just bitch about what assholes people are when your kids aren’t normal in public places. None of those things have to do with making money, and I’m more likely to drive away likely sponsors than attract them, what with all the cursing. But whatever. My blog is first and foremost for me, about me. NOBODY who knows me would believe for a millisecond that my life is beige. Or normal. Or perfect. (Ha, I can’t even pretent my husband is perfect, I’m divorcing him)
Write on, Aunt Becky. Right on.
Is WHY I dont blog (am boring) and the reason I LOVE your blog. You are real, and you write HARD and well! And if you stop I will spit gum all over your newly tarred driveway.
You ROCK, my dear. You’ve stated some of the reasons why, although I was thrilled to meet some of my peeps, I didn’t feel any need to attend BlogHer. I won’t put ads on my blog. I will absolutely say “fucking shit.” If my blog seems a little lightweight lately (in content as well as frequency of posts), it’s because I’m too fucking tired as an older, single, working mom to write out a nitty gritty post. I love, love, love being a mom, but it’s not all sunshine and unicorn farts. I am also very blessed to have an easygoing, healthy child. I do have some things to say that many people may not like, but right now I’m too tired to organize the thoughts properly. I haven’t even had a chance to upload my pics from the BlogHer meetups so I can post them. So instead I may just slap up a vid of my daughter crawling. Oh, FUCK! She’s crawling!
Mwah!
I agree. I also completely adore this post.
I find that over time, the blogs I stick with? Are the ones that are real. They may be small, not very read blogs. But they are real. They are why I do this, why I continue to put myself out there, why I still love it after five years.
Am linking my post. It isn’t exactly what you were asking for…but it’s more reasons as to why I do this. (If it’s not what you were wanting, you can delete it.)
Link away, darlin’. I’m sure whatever you have to say on it, people will love to read.
I dug up an entry from my old Open Diary, it’s the closest I’ve ever come to explaining the compulsion to write.
I dug up an entry from my old Open Diary, it’s the closest I’ve ever come to explaining the compulsion to write.
I’m sure this has probably been said already. But that’s why I like to read your blog too. Open. Honest. Hell, I can’t always get that with myself. Even though you curse more than my grampa before he passed away with Altzheimers, I respect what you do. Blog on!
Great post!
I give my Dad anxiety attacks on a regular basis, but he still keeps coming back for more, so of course I keep giving it to him.
Thank you for just being you. Thank you for being honest and real. And thank you for encouraging newbies like me.
We can all be excellent bloggers. Does not matter when you started or what your stats are. Period. Keep on keeping on.
OMmotherfuckingG!!! My comment just had this on the bottom of it and it kind of made my day!
“Your comment is being moderated by Your Aunt Becky because the blog thinks yer a robot. Are you?”
Fuck yeah, I’m working on it!!! And I’m going to have an army too… http://megsink.com/2010/08/i-want-my-own-robot-army/
I love how customizable my comment form is. Hehehe. I made you an unrobot.
Thank you! I’ve gotten several random comments as of late that go a little something like this, “Hi! I’m a new reader on your blog! Come visit me over at XXX!” and, because I attempt to be a nice person from time to time, I dutifully click over to their blog and find…perfection. Nothing but pure, shiny, motherfucking perfection. And it makes me sick. I find it difficult – if not impossible – to believe that these people never have a bad day, or want to lock their children in a closet for a few hours, or, for heavens sake, dare say the word “crap”, much less anything else. I’ve continued to read (and love) your blog because a)you’re hilarious; b) you totally rock; and, c) being able to hear your REAL thoughts and feelings and issues makes me a little less like I’m going off the deep end because I know that I’m not the only one out there who struggles, etc, etc. Anyhow, thank you for being who you are – I love ya for it!
P.S. Sorry for the rambling…one of my kids is puking in the background and damn if it’s not hard to type a coherent thought when all that’s going on.
I get those comments, too. And I used to visit. Now, I don’t. Because that little box you fill in with your blog URL? That has a handy link in it. You don’t need to tell me twice what your URL is. GAH.
loved this.
i’m ugly in the morning too. actually if i don’t get a shower, i’m gross all day. and i blog because i want to. but sometimes worry that i’ll get caught up in the “you should do this because of this” syndrome.
thanks for being you.
I think it’s easy to get caught up in that mindset. Very easy.
But we cannot forget that what we do is important and what we say is important and we should never sell ourselves out cheaply. Does that make sense?
Write hard. Live hard. Fall hard. Love hard.
Beautiful. And true.
I don’t think I’ve ever called my husband “darling hubby”, except for that time he brought me my pain killers. I think you have a point. It always amazes me when the super sterilized blogs are so popular. Are we supposed to believe that everything in their life is sunshine? Why do I need to be reminded of my shortcomings? I AM AWARE, INTERNETS. My life is pretty boring, so my blog is pretty boring, but it’s mine. I like having that space and my small but loyal group of readers to support me.
I would TOTALLY call your husband “darling hubby” if he bought me pain killers.
Is THAT what the fuck “DH” stands for? So DD is “Darling Daughter”?
I just threw up a little IN MY MOUTH.
Oh, God. I hope that people don’t think, when I refer to my fiance as “D” that I’m doing something like that. . .it’s what his NAME STARTS WITH. I am MOST DEFINITELY putting a disclaimer on my next update.
For Christ’s sake. . .
When I was writing about delivering pizza it was so that I had a place to vent, a place to complain about shitty customers and weird coworkers. I needed to have a way to talk about other things in real life which I couldn’t do until I let it out. Now that I’m down to a Twitter I feel like it’s the same. Sometimes I have too many thoughts in my head. If I can siphon some of them off, I might just be able to hold an intelligent conversation in real life. It’s also a bit of a pensieve in that some of those random thoughts need to be occasionally revisited.
And regarding getting sponsored…
I really appreciate that your blog doesn’t assault me with google ads in the middle of posts or with [sponsored] posts. I’d rather hear about you, not the products you’re using, unless you’re using that Dial soap to clean oil off baby sea otters, then you can talk about it.
I blog to keep my family connected to me, even across the US, and lately I’ve found it super calming to just spill all of my emotions (planning a baby) out somewhere where I can’t get an eye-roll or patronizing smile in response. Yeah, I get it, I am not the first woman to ever have a child, but this is MY FIRST TIME, so maybe shut the fuck up? K thanks. Ha, see that right there, venting. đ
That’s exactly why I started Mommy Wants Vodka.
I like your blog cause it’s very human, vulnerable, and funny… keeps my short attention span amused! I write a blog to keep connected to my world virtually….. since our non virtual world is so far away! It keeps my short attention span amused as well!
Yeah, I’m pretty sure my blog contains wayyyy too many fucks for anyone to ever want to sponsor me, which leaves me completely free to be true to myself.
Because we all know, my anklebiters are complete shits by times…
The imperfect blogs are the only ones I read on a regular basis. Ummmm yeah, I just called you imperfect. đ
Well said Aunt Becky!
I blog because a) those words that get stuck in my head b) it’s a cheap hobby c) I can connect with other like-minded people from the comfort of my couch and not have to buy a new outfit and d) I have a REALLY bad memory and it forces me to “journal” my life so I don’t forget what happens along the way.
and that, my dear Aunt Becky, is precisely why I love you. I wish I had time to let all the words bouncing in my head out. I just can’t add one more thing to my list of shit to do every day. I can’t. My eyes already hurt. I would rather read you, because I love it. At some point, the waves will stop crashing and the seas will calm just a little, then I promise to write hard. You’re right. Second guessing is for sissies.
I blog because it is cheaper than therapy. I have about 3 readers, and sometimes they laugh at me, offer advice, or sit back and let me vent.
I mainly only blog when I’m angry, but am trying to fix that. I write out what is wrong in hopes that somehow it will make a big problem smaller, or at least break it into smaller bites so I can work through it and not be so overwhelmed that I don’t function.
I LOVED Cecily’s post and I LOVE this one. As much as I like free stuff (and who doesn’t), I’m not going to pimp my blog for that.
LOVE IT!!! And I love that you fucking swear too.
Thanks for the thought-provoking post.(Posts like these make me love you even more.)
I’m one of those shitting-rainbows-most-of-the-time bloggers.
And if I ever got a sponsor, I’d probably die from shock before I could even put the ad up. đ
You’re totally full of the awesome and not the kind of blogger I meant. Why? You’re a Prankster, and Pranksters are exempt from any of this. Plus, you read my blog, which means that if you were truly living in a Palmolive ad, your brain would explode from being here.
I blog because I have four children and very little that is mine. You know, just mine.
I also blog because if I didn’t, I would be insane.
yours in one of my fave blogs (I’m not just stroking your ego) because of what you just wrote. it’s refreshing. you’re authentic and real and candid and crass. and I enjoy that. and it’s funnier because you’re funny, not trying to hard for the canned joke.
so why do I blog? I blog to write. it didn’t exactly start that way and I’ve kept many different personal blogs over the years that only my friends and the random creepy guy read. but this blog? the crazy with awesome sauce? that one’s my baby in a sense. it is because It’s all me on there. baring my soul and my craziness and my imperfections and my delights. it’s my all humiliation network. it keeps me real because I never lie to my blog. I can’t ever be tempted to hide what’s most honest because I’d feel like I was betraying this space I built where I can be my most extreme and forthcoming. some days it’s funny. some days it’s painful. but it ALWAYS makes me feel better to write it.
MUAH!
I do not blog the raw stuff because I have enough crap in my life to keep me in pain for decades, I’m sure. So why rehash? I do not blog perfection because I do not have perfection and I am as skeptical as the rest about the perfect husbands and shiny, smiling children. Sure, my blog is boring, but what I write is real. It just isn’t pissed off.
I don’t get many people who read and I have found it interesting what I go back to. Your blog is the only blog of its kind that I read now. I find most of it out there feels contrived. You, on the other hand, oh girl. You are the real deal. I started out reading a lot of blogs, but I’m down to a small handful of them. We aren’t really all that kind to each other, Aunt Becky. It sounds like we are supportive here in your comments, but really? Not so much. Also, some people think blogging raw is about being aggressive and angry and again…enough of that in real life.
Exactly. Being real isn’t always being raw and mean. It’s just being authentic. That’s what I was getting at with this and I’m glad you saw that.
And I’m glad you keep reading mine. I still read yours. Obviously đ
I love you, Aunt Becky. I bet people say that all the time, and it’s MORE THAN A LITTLE creepy, but it’s true. Because of everything you said.
Why do I blog? I started back in. . .1998-ish because I was a teenager so FULL OF EMOTIONS, and I needed a place to be emo.
Now? I do it because I lost my writing job, and have had awful “fiction” writer’s block for about 2 years now, and it all has to go somewhere.
Plus, I’m not even going to lie. Every time I get a new “follower,” it makes me happy in the pants.
I edit myself a little though, even though I wish I could get over it. I say “eff” instead of “fuck.” Stuff like that.
Thank you for staying true. I love you and your blog just as they are!
Totally why I love this blog.
Ok, I hate to do this (bc, deep down, I am sorta a nice person), but I have a guilty pleasure of reading this blog (http://ursulasward.blogspot.com/) after a friend sent me the link to laugh at her tragic grammar.
Her glass-is-overfilling “inspiration” makes me want kick puppies. Even cute fluffy ones.
Also, I’m pretty sure she’s on better meds than I am. Bitch.
Let me add my resounding “Amen” from the choir. I used to make myself sick reading blogs where life seemed perfect and love seemed easy. I stopped reading them. They made me feel shitty, and worse, they were boring. I’m a warts and all type of girl, and I like my friends to have as many warts as I do. Thanks for being one of the real ones.
I agree with you, darling Aunt Becky! I find comfort reading blogs that are REAL. It makes me feel like I’m not the only weirdo who thinks poop is funny, who drops the “F” bomb like there’s no tomorrow, who rants when she has horrible days. That’s life. Not always pretty. I started my blog to have an outlet; to express ALL of me, not just the parts I think everyone finds acceptable. I certainly couldn’t do that on Facebook.
My blog is pretty much all memoirs of little old me. I was tired of carrying my stories around in my head. And what was distressing me is that I am finding the older I get, the more I am forgetting. Getting these stories out seals them forever and I can make room in my brain for new stories.
Plus I’ve made a ton of great new friends…people I never would have met if it hadn’t been for good old cyberspace.
I started a post just like this the other day! Sadly, it’s still in my drafts box because something more important came up that I felt that I had to write about. But don’t worry–it will be published soon.
I write because I love it. And while I joke about needing comments and more traffic as validation in my meager little existence, I simply write because I have things to say and there is not always somebody in my real-life that wants to listen. So, I write them down for myself. I write them down to chronicle our life. I write them down so I can look back on the eve of my son’s 3rd birthday and fill in the gaps in his baby book (bad momma). I write because if I don’t write down the things that I am feeling, nobody else is gonna do it for me.
Aaaaaaaand, I suck because I forgot to update my blog info from the last time I left a comment a few fucking months ago. The new one is: http://www.manysleeplessnights.wordpress.com
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I wish I wrote this freaking post. You are so massively right. Most people I read are so “beige” . Like I give a fuck about what your perfect kid that never shits is eating today for breakfast and what they weigh at their latest doctors appointment. SNOOOOOOOOOOOOOZZZZZZZZZZZZEEEE. I am going to link not an answer to your direct question but one of the hardest post I ever wrote and sadly made me look like an asshole in our hometown paper because they quoted it making me look like a “bad mom”. HATERS. At least I can put my head on a pillow at night and say I was REAL to the core, and probably –hopefully helped another Mom struggling with the same problem that day!
I adore the aunt Becky! Honesty is key to me–not only in my own writing but in my reading. Cheers to you!
I blog because everyone in my current life will just judge me, and no one on here does that, they just support me-no I told you so’s or you should just leave- its my therapy and instead of paying some freak to lay on a couch that has no more education then I do, who is supposed to fix me-I can just vent on my blog, and delete comments I don’t like-just kidding about the comment thing lol
Also? I follow blogs like this one: http://mommasfabulousplayground.blogspot.com/ because I’m horribly masochistic and I kind of want to jump off tall buildings when I see how fucking perfect this woman’s life APPEARS to be, when she’s MY AGE.
EXACTLY! I hate those blogs with the baby in the pumpkin patch with a recipe for pumpking soup, which looks like dog barf. Pumpkins aren’t mean to be souped, they’re meant to pied. If you don’t swear at least a little and feed your kids fruit roll ups for breakfast, at least once in a while (they do contain 10% real fruit juice, after all) then I’m just not down with you.
I mean, just because we popped a couple of crotch parasites doesn’t mean we have to become zombies like on Stepford Wives, or whatever they were- automatons or whatever.
I think kids of the first generation mommy-bloggers are getting older, so the mommies don’t want to write about them anymore. This is why many of my friends have quit talking about the downside of motherhood — because it involves other lives.
I try to be honest in my blog, but since I rarely mention my family, it’s hard to be totally honest. I’m kind of honest-by-omission, which is not really a kind of honesty at all. But it’s the best I can do, because I’m not really interested in talking much about the kids or the husband.
And that’s not a problem to me. I don’t think we need to sit around bashing our lives to make our blogs good. Does that make sense?
Yes! I also am not interested in talking about my husband.
This is my first time on your site but I like this post. I apparently live in a weird world as I had no idea there are people out there that only blog about the perky parts of life or living how others want them to live. I mostly read (and write) blogs about raising kids with special needs and those moms are pretty honest. They have to be. It’s a tough gig and blogging about it and trying to always be one-sided would be darn near impossible.
Thanks, Aunt Becky- I think I will link. and I agree- I started writing not long ago so I could say what crap was going on in my head- and if no one wants to read it, oh well- if it offends people- oh well. It’s me. the real what I think me. and I love it(me)
Um, so I wrote a post about how I shit my pants one day.
http://bumuterus.blogspot.com/2010/06/shit-happens.html
I write because my husband is a super, crazy mad private person and gets mad at me if I tell my friends ANYTHING about him. So I just go ahead and tell THE WORLD about our crazy life, but keep it anonymous.
A girl’s gotta have somewhere to complain right?
McLovin’ Aunt Becky over here. I McLinked to your post, too.
Thank you for calling us out to write something when I’m having a shitty craptastical day! I really appreciate that đ I know this will be one of those posts I go back to and think, “Wow! Could I have been anymore of a crybaby?” Thanks for making me keep it real.
Oy. so. many. reasons- one of them being I have a CONSTANT need to express myself.?
Oh, baby, you know why I blog. And I do censor some things, especially about my eldest. It’s not fair to him to put him out there like that. But I don’t give a shit if we are a dying breed. I need this place to be honest.
I write about everything because I can’t imagine limiting my blog to only 1 subject, or only 1 tone. Sometimes it’s awkward (like today’s post), and sometimes it’s sad, and mostly it’s funny. Not everybody likes me, but I like me (usually), and I can’t pretend to be somebody I’m not.
I needed to read this. Thank you for saying it.
I wish I could blog about my life, but I’m afraid that even with pseudonyms my family would figure out that they were “Frank”, “Nancy”, “Frank Jr” and “Kiki”. Plus, I know I would curse just as much as you do, so probably someone would gets their shorts in a bunch about that too. I’m such a coward…
Write hard. Love it . . .
I blog for the same reasons most of us do – to let it all out! I figure there has to be someone else out there that’s either gone through the same thing I have or is going through the same things I am RIGHT NOW!!!
Oh, and I love Aunt Becky’s blog because she actually answers emails!
I blog to record life for my kids, true, but I also blog to keep my sanity. I blog when life is good and I’m happy, and when life sucks and I’m pissed off about it. I don’t sugar coat things and I deal with sensitive subjects.
Visiting from Crazy With a Side of Awesome Sauce. Hello!
It helps keep me sane, truthfully. If I keep all that craziness in my head, it’ll explode. And guess who cleans up the explosions around my house? Yep, and it’s really hard to mop crap without a head.
GREAT POST. This is making me reevaluate having ads on my blog. I haven’t made ANY money from them and I’m beginning to think I never will. But who cares? My blog costs $20 a year for the domain and that’s it. Plus the costs of attending conferences. ANYWAY, I don’t like review blogs. I think that those of us who bleed on our blogs are the true artists.
You’re so right. While I think we all tend to gravitate towards blogs that cater to our interests, it’s the humanity in them that often keeps us reading. I blogged for a year before a stranger commented, and I about shit my pants. Now I have a ton of great people that I’ve never “met”, but consider friends. I think it’s the best way to be reminded that we’re not alone in most of our day-to-day muck.
I’m not June Cleaver, and I’ve never wanted to be. But I’d pay good money to here her ask the Beave “What the fuck were you thinking???”
I love revisting this topic. Thanks for the mind tickle. I have explained myself with my usual mediocrity over on my blog.
I like you blog because you are honest, funny and you never have photos of animals in clothing….I HATE that shit.
I think a lot of people are scared to put themselves out there like that. That’s got to be what it comes down to. Some blogs that are all sunshine and rainbows still entertain me, but I don’t mistake them for the kind of honesty that humors me so on blogs like yours.
Thank you for writing this! I feel like an alien sometimes because I feel the same way. I have had to literally block my sisters from reading my facebook because they bitch so much about the things that i write. JEEZ-US! If you can’t be honest on your facebook then WTF! My husband thinks my blog is disrespectful to him. It is great to see that there are others out there like me. YAY! I am not a freak! Well…maybe I am but not for this đ
I’m still kinda baffled by the whole “paid to blog” thing… the sponsors and freebies and whatnot. I don’t imagine any corporate bigwigs will be knocking down my door anytime soon either!
I read a bit of everything. Some of the pollyannaish blogs don’t bother me, because they come across as very genuine. Others make me want to barf because it’s like someone in a straightjacket who’s been medicated to the nuts is saying sweet nothings so that you’ll come close enough that they can bite your face off. It’s like their writing just screams “FAKE!!! big fat faker!!! I really hate my life but I’m taking so much valium that I don’t care anymore!! and I’m going to write about my PERFECT (I hate my) life on the internet (because it’s better than throwing myself off a bridge or beating my children!!)!!!!
Obviously, as my name says, I curse. I am FAR (far far far) from perfect. My husband is nearly perfect (when he’s not being a shithead) and my youngest daughter is pretty close to utter perfection(when she’s not screaming bloody murder at 4 am with the colic)and I just blame my oldest’s imperfections on her bio-father and console myself with that… and holy crap this is a long comment… hmmm.. maybe I should have just posted on my own blog…
So, I’m a comment-hijacker too… sue me!!**
**if you can find me in buttfuck nowhere, Canada!!! baahahahahahahha
I blog because I don’t know anything else. I’ve been doing this off and on since 1999 (I started off at Diaryland….yeah. Talk about old school shit) and every time I say I will leave blogging, something brings me back.
I’ve gone from having a HUGE following to having no one read to having an actual RSS feed….the popularity aspect doesn’t do it for me….though I will admit, I am thinking of doing a review blog just for S&G’s.
I may not blog as much as I should, but I don’t think i’ll ever go away.
I wish I could say that I just write for myself, and it’s partly true. I love being able to re-read my post and giggle over stupid stuff I did. Unfortunately I do have to edit out bad stuff because I also write for my family. I have no issue showing my warts but sometimes I know If I write what I really think about the family, they would read it and be offended. So I guess I don’t think it’s a perfect rendition of my life. Mearly a edited version.
Also, I love you (not in a creepy way, but in a girl crush way) so please keep writing.
Another fabulous post brought to you by the marvelous Aunt Becky. đ Kudos!
You know, the most traffic I ever got on my blog was when I told the truth about how shitbag my marriage was and how my husband called me an f-ing ugly bitch and then I was trying to divorce him.
Then my mom started reading it. And my aunt. And wouldn’t you know it, now I have to censor what I say because A) my mother is reading it, and 2) my husband who I never divorced occasionally reads it and prints things he finds incriminating against himself, the freak.
So there.
But I agree, it’s beige paint.
Dude, trust me. There’s a WHOLE HOST of things I can no longer say here. Which is why Mushroom Printing is so beautiful.
I have the same issue Heather…with sisters and mothers and aunts. these people are seemingly computer illiterate and then suddenly they know how to find my blog. WTF!
Funnily enough, just yesterday I blogged about how I am currently struggling to find my “blog voice” and how it’s my current choice for therapy. All in all blogging keeps me sane. Oh, and by the way, I SUCK at spelling as well!
Love this! I am a sporadic blogger and write authentic. I don’t swear as my FIL is a faithful reader. This is a GREAT post!
I am hoping to be comment number 100, unless someone screws this up. I blog because I want to get free stuff. Only I don’t get any free stuff so I blog so that I don’t have to call y mom so much. I also log because my wife told me to. I also blog so I can leave comments on great posts like this one and have my name be a link.
You’re doing it wrong. This is a link comment:
Lol. Come visit my blog!!
https://mommywantsvodka.com
i’m a punk. i have doubts. i second guess. but i keep on doing it because of the connections i have made to like-minded people who don’t judge me. it’s something i have only been able find through the vast net of the internet and blogging. and you’ve been a great inspiration and motivator. thank you for encouraging and supporting all of us virgins.
I blog because, like you said, my head is screaming if I don’t. I feel like I have words and letters oozing out of my pores. That sounds like it should be treated with an antibiotic, but it’s the goddamn truth.
Now I’m wondering if my blog is boring because, well…I’m kinda boring.
Why I do What I do? Because parenting, marriage and this all other shit is ridiculously hard. The people who think they’re doing it the right way are usually so fucked up and so are their children and relationships. I write because it’s funny to be self deprecating. If you can’t laugh at your own foolishness, how the hell can you laugh at someone else’s?
I have to admit after pressure from my mother I tried to think of other things besides the word, “fuck”. It’s funny because I still say it all the time; I just don’t always write it…
A friend told me once — “It’s not that you’re a great writer, it’s the fact you aren’t afraid to say what everyone is always feeling. ”
parentingfromthecouch.wordpress.com
I’m so glad I read this today. I’ve been reading you for a while and realized we must have so much in common because we’re both the same age and from the Chicago suburbs. Addison, IL represent!
Anyway, I tried my hand at stand-up comedy for the first time last night, and it went so well. People cracked up. You know why? Because I talked allll about the truth. I wish more people would just let their balls float in the wind. Why are things so taboo? So what if your mom hears it? This guy in the show last night called his grandma a burden and she was in the audience!
Also, I got most traffic and some magazine articles published from this VERY TRUTHFUL blog entry here: http://bit.ly/clv3Dd
The truth will set you free. You said it, sister.
Oh my, Aunt Becky, I fell as though I’m late to the table here. . . but THANK YOU!
Am I coward ’cause I won’t state the same on my site?????
Do I run the risk of being equally as disingenuous ’cause it seems I could make a living out of my dysfunction????
What? You mean you’re NOT all Stepford Wife perfect and shit all day everyday? Well blow me down… No wonder your blog is so good – it’s called “honesty” baby! Woo hoo! Three cheers for being who we really are!
I will write hard. I will be real. I will be me. Amen – praise it and all that.
Ears must be ringing – because I was just talking about the beige today and how that’s not where I fit but I DO feel like I fit. That said? The world NEEDS beige- but it also needs accent colors. Holler.
Thanks/
I have to admit, I’m a bit touchy about the ‘perfect’ tag. There are some things in my life that are just wonderful. If it’s something I worked my arse off to get, then I’m not going to apologise for that, but I hope like hell I never give the impression that I think it makes me better than anybody else. But there’s other things, like the ITGeek… I don’t know what the fuck I did to get him, all I know is that I’m really happy about it. But I got accused of being ‘perfect’. Because I’d just bought a house, and I was in love, and I had a degree and who knows what else. Maybe I have really attractive wrists or something. Took me a long time to realise it was HER problem, and it had nothing to do with me.
I started my blog to write reviews for a project another website was running, so, for the most part, that’s what I blog. But if there’s something in my life that I think might be interesting, I’ve started to blog about it. I don’t sanitise it, but if it’s a Good Thing, I’m going to celebrate it – if only so I can go back during a Shit Time and remember that life doesn’t always suck.
Maybe it’s a confidence thing. I’m still a new blogger, figuring out what I’m willing to put out there, and what clenches my gut up. But I think I’m going to bookmark this entry, Aunt Becky, just as a reminder to stay true to myself.
I am going to do it. I’m going to start writing hard. Tommorrow. Maybe. I am not usually so afraid to say what’s up, but for some reason I am very hesitant. People actually expect that from me, and I usually give it to them. Tomorrow is going to be different.
Thanks Tia Becky!
This is something I have been thinking about a lot lately, especially on days that I feel I have nothing to say, but I have to say SOMETHING. I am learning though, not to say anything at all on those days. Not because I feel I will disappoint people, but because I will disappoint me.
Oh, and what’s up with all the new bloggers that only read other blogs to get you to promote theirs? They do know there is no money in blogging — right?
Nicely done!
Me? I’m nekkid on the net every damn day. At first? Very scary. Now? Turns out a hell of a lot of people feel just like I do.
If I want soap, I’ll go over to the damn store and buy soap. I go to blogs to read about the lived experiences of real people. Funny, heartbreaking, fucked up, sweet, all of it.
And anyway, with a blog called No Points for Style, is there any doubt that it’s going to get messy?
This is my observation: If bloggers felt more comfortable swearing A LOT in front of everyone, everyday, half the pressure to write would be dissipated. If they could be honest AND swear at the same time,in front of everyone, everyday, blogging would be obsolete.
Yo?
Yo. Swearing isn’t necessary for good blogging. Not at all. I’m sorry, I didn’t make that clear.
Authentic. B.S.! I met you at Blogher and I was shocked to learn that you are a 55 year old Asian man! So much for “being real.”
With a huge penis, Neil. Don’t forget my penis. *I* don’t.
Beige paint makes the baby Jesus (and me) cry.
I blog because all the live people in my life had sense enough to run like hell while the gettin’ was good, and I needed somewhere to ramble on with pointless drivel using poorly structured sentences and a whole lot of elipses. The Internet can’t escape, and I generally like the other denizens of my corner of Blogopolis. Sometimes people even read what I write, which I find bemusing.
I have always been myself…I can’t be bothered to pretend, and lies take too much effort to keep up with. The blogs I like best are those of honest folks who can laugh, connect, and acknowledge their humanity with grace and style.
Shade and Sweetwater,
K
I blog b/c therapy is so fricking expensive. đ And I suffer from diarrhea of the mouth…
I write coz I can… apparently. I don’t have enough idea’s for a book, so that’s out… but I like the idea of jotting down thoughts and ideas and what-not on a daily basis… mostly I like the fact that I get to change my phone so that I can do it from my chair at home… sneaky! Thanks for the advise… I’ve been asking for it lately.
JENN-JENN
PS – I’m the … girl (clearly!)!!
I write because if I didn’t, I’d turn into one of those awful girls who starts real life rumors and then gets loudly drunk and takes her shirt off in public. For me, writing is a method of controlling the almost vaudevillian battle between my ego and my id…without being entirely conscious of it, of course. I’m an oversharer by nature, and somehow, oversharing on my blog is actually more tactful than the way I could overshare in real life.
(Lastly I like to say “…as BALLS” a lot, as in, “man, it is hot as BALLS out today.”)
Balls is underused in today’s world. I use it often, too. Which is why you’re my Twitter BFF. I didn’t know you blogged or I’d be stalking you there, too.
Thank you for this post! It just confirms why I hearted you so much at Blogher where I felt surrounded by a bunch of fake shiny happy please sponsor me people and why I love your blog! I never want someone to feel that way about my blog, I try to be honest up to the point of I don’t want to get fired from my job, because, hey…..the health insurance!!!!! But if I wasn’t employed in the field of education- I’d be able to attend the Aunt Becky Family Reunion Cruise…..DAMN IT!!!!!!!!!!!
Not sure why but I’m having trouble commenting. Thank you for this post! It just confirms why I hearted you so much at Blogher where I felt surrounded by a bunch of fake shiny happy please sponsor me people and why I love your blog! I never want someone to feel that way about my blog, I try to be honest up to the point of I don’t want to get fired from my job, because, hey…..the health insurance!!!!! But if I wasn’t employed in the field of education- I’d be able to attend the Aunt Becky Family Reunion Cruise…..DAMN IT!!!!!!!!!!!
I fixed you! You’re not spam any more!
Thank you!!!
I get this. And I’m soooo guilty of completely sanitizing my life. The truth is, my family and my husband’s family read it to keep up with the kids (his family is scattered to the four corners, which is why I started it in the first place). This makes me want to keep up appearances. And I really don’t want my mom or my aunt reading about my sex life…
But at the same time, my life is soooo not sanitary. We fight. We make mistakes (big and small). We f*ck up a lot. I have recently been considering doing a blog where I really let it all hang out. I worry about being judged sometimes but most of the time I just don’t care what other people (meaning NOT family) think. I have to think about it some more, but you may have lit a fire under my hiney.
Perfect post for today. I’m struggling with this concept; still tempted to “do the pretty” for those with more delicate sensibilities. Without being too mushy about it, you really do inspire me to be more me.
Awesome post. Great advice.
I don’t blog, but thank you for keeping it real. I don’t much have the brainpower for fake. And palmolive commercials make my hands itch. Just sayin’
Life is mad, I’m indiscrete and just love to tell it like it is. I swear a lot and talk about sex and body parts but hey who really wants to read those boring, plasticised lifestyle blogs? Why not spread some smiles instead.
I added myself to the Linky, although I added my new tumblr I just started today. The desire to do it has been rumbling around in my head for a couple weeks, but finally got down to business today. If I keep ranting my cynical rants to those directly around me, there may be explosions. Or implosions. ANYWAY. I noticed someone ELSE who hasn’t been on her tumblr *cough*.
I’m actually not sure tumblr is the way to go if Imma blog myself, but using wordpress reminds me of 2006 when I wrote political articles for money *shudder* and I don’t want to be reminded of that particular black hole.
(hangs head in shame) Yeah, I need to get my ass over to Tumblr today. You’re dead right.
[…] thought about this after reading this entry from Aunt Becky at Mommy Wants Vodka. Believe it or not, I not only write my own blog but I read […]
I gotta write about why I blog here too? Shit, I just wrote a whole post about it this morning (and in 2008.) Obviously I blog to be just like Aunt Becky and am hoping to reach Nirvana soon. Duh.
No blog at the moment. While I’m okay with opening up on an individual basis (or through the occasional comments), I struggle with the idea of sharing my FEEEELINGS with a (potentially) larger audience (I also tend to think about things too much).
And yet, my favorite posts to read are the ones where the bloggers have bared their souls, writing hard. The ones in which the blogger has put into words those things that I have felt and have known.
As a brand new blogger, I thank you for this post. I have just been writing as I think and speak. Just getting it all out from inside of me. Thanks for reminding us that that is enough and that it is supposed to be what this is all about.
i blog just so i have something that i make myself do consistently. i have, way too many times in the past, started things without finishing them. so even though it is “just a “photo” blog”, and i just started doing it daily, it is my own personal exercise in self-discipline. and also, i secretly have an enormous ego and want perfect strangers to have a venue in which to see my pictures and tell me how awesome i am. (or not….=))
I blog b/c I’m lonely, and have been misunderstood my entire life.
I blog b/c that way, I at least talk to one human being a day.
Totally selfish reasons, I know.
Your blog was one of the first I came across, and keep coming back to, for posts like this.
So, that right there, is “I rest my case” from you.
And you can say it, too.
What you said. What I said. Wait.
đ
You’re very impassioned lately! There’s a price to pay for letting it all hang out, and the price is vulnerability. Not everyone can handle it. People can write beautifully and still keep their private stuff to themselves — but it’s damn frustrating, isn’t it, for those of us who want to know what really goes on and are willing to tell?
I totally agree, being a new blogger it’s nice to know I’m not the only one that does it “just for me” you’re awesome =) xo
I’ve been blogging off and on for about 10 years now, and I’ve come to realize that while it would be fucking AMAZING to get a giant readership, and while I do love the comments I do get, I mostly write because I need to. I need to be honest and this is a space where I can do that.
Of course, very, very, VERY few people in my own life know I blog or even read it. So that helps.
I started blogging as an on line diary for me. Then it became a place to share news with my family. Then it became a place to vent. Then it became a place to tell my story. A place to work out problems. Basically it’s my place on the web.
I would love to have a huge following. I am a self proclaimed attention whore. Aren’t we all to some degree? But I don’t have a large following.. and it doesn’t keep me from blogging.
I write because I need to. If I’m not writing here, I’m writing in notebooks, on paper, by hand. Because to not write it like not breathing.
Love it! This is the reason I started writing. I’m so tired of people being fake as hell. You inspire me, Aunt Becky!
[…] Aunt Becky writes Why I do what I do, about why she blogs. But not just why she blogs, but why she blogs the way she does.  It […]
But this is why I love reading your blog, because you’re old school like that. You bare it all. I’d so rather read the real shit, because lets face it, life is messy and kids are fuckers.
I hesitate to answer, my personal blog being so new and all… and possibly beige paintish, though it is too early to tell I think. I felt compelled to start a personal blog-under my real name-because I wanted to have a voice, and writing is the only way I feel my real voice can be heard. The real me only seems to unfold in writingâin person I can be a tongue tied dweeb who is usually too self conscious to be myself. I admit though I have been struggling with how much of myself to reveal, because I have spent most of my life âhidingâ much of myself (my humour, my skepticism, my sarcasm, my strong opinions) from the outside world…in part because of the self conscious thing, but also in part because in the past I always worked in corporate environments where you werenât supposed to have a personality. Or say fuck or shit apparently. Anyway, I am hoping to let it hang out more in my blogâor at least I hope it wonât be beige paint. Because I agree that beige paint bites. Your blog is definitely far from beigeâso kudos to you Becky!
Amen!
(So glad I found you.)
You started it all for me. Thanks Aunt Becky đ
Even if youâre the only one who reads it: write hard. Do it for yourself. Donât ever doubt that you can do it or that you should do it. Just do it and stop second guessing. Second guessing is for amateurs and punks.
That’s exactly what I do. I thanked Cecily for giving me something I could call myself because I never really fit into any category of bloggers…I am a Memoir Blogger. I don’t sell or write for anyone but me. I am who I am. Take me or leave me. (Most leave me. LOL) Whatever. I love writing and so I do.
I kind of like love you, a lot.
[…] been reading a lot lately, about how bloggers shield a good portion of their personal lives, in order for them to be attractive to vendors and advertisers. Â Now, while I do censor myself a […]
I read blogs to remind myself that you don’t have to be rich or famous to be important and influential. I read one blog (Erin O’Brien in Cleveland) to remember to find art and simplicity in everything.
I read my Aunt Becky to find humanity in something other than my own suffering. I don’t have a “What would Aunt Becky do?” bracelet or anything, but I do like that she’s a pretty good influence on survival. I’ve learned from her that when life hands you lemons, you stick razor blades in them, throw them back and scream, “What else you got, bitch?”
I love you so much. Seriously, I want to hug you.
I blog b/c my life is anything but “beige”. Right now, it looks like a Jackson Pollock painting… I thought quitting teaching to raise my crotch critters would be a cinch after working on the west side of Chicago.
Anything, but.
I started my blog a few months back to vent about all of the shitstorm surrounding my oldest son Moose. Moose is turning 3 in October, and doesn’t say more than 10 words. We’ve also learned the kid has a boatload of allergies to a variety of foods. Each day brings a new mind fuck.
I hope my blog helps parents who are in the same boat, or is at least a wake-up call for those totally clueless about developmental delays/autism/adhd, etc.
I know it’s helped b/c so many readers have emailed me privately gushing their own stories…
But I get what you’re saying. Writing about the lollipops and sunshine of parenthood is, well, (yawn) boring. Like all good stories, there must be conflict. Without that, your readers are bound to click away…
I hear ya Auntie B…I found myself stuck in that rut for a while, until I had a really really shitty day and needed to come clean about not being perfect. And then I wrote exactly how I was feeling. And then I went back to writing a cooking blog. I like to be optimistic in my blog, because sometimes it helps me get through the day if I focus on the happy things, instead of the sucky things. But it felt good let out all of the dark twisty bs, and the show of support was amazing. And now even though I don’t want my blog to become a depressing drag to read, I know that when I need to, I can bitch, whine or cry and not feel an ounce of guilt for it. PS – I love your blog and send you several hugs/vodka martini’s a week.
[…] have been thinking about this after having read a post by Aunt Becky about throwing yourself out there in the blog. I truly wish I could. I can’t […]
[…] See, Monkey Do August 17, 2010 Filed under: Uncategorized — M @ 10:51 pm An awesome blogger asked a question today, that pretty much everyone who doesnât blog asks. Why? And because I am a […]
[…] As important as they are to my self-esteem, views are not the only reason I write. My very first blog entry was posted sometime in the winter of 2005. It was titled âI Need New Friendsâ and prompted by a particularly dismal New Yearâs Eve. I titled it that way because I was sure none of my existing friends would read it. Virtually no one I knew was on MySpace yet; Iâd only joined because my boyfriend at the time was in a band and that was the only place online I could hear their music. Within a week, my entire circle of friends had joined MySpace and were highly pissed off. My point is that I started writing even when no one was reading, which brings me to the assignment given to me by Aunt Becky: […]
[…] over at Mommy Wants Vodka, offered up a thought-provoking / feather-ruffling post today. In Why I Do What I Do, she suggests that where bloggers once bared their souls for their readers, there is a new trend […]