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Pathway Through (The) Secret Door

January3

This part of year is always hardest for me.

I’d like to say I have Seasonal Affective Disorder, mostly because of the wicked acronym, but I don’t. My garden variety, un-cool acronymed depression mixes with the PTSD (pesticides and toxic substances division?) in a nice soupy paste of unhappiness.

Christmas, no matter how I try to play it off, is hard. Sure, I find joy in watching my children scamper about, ripping open presents and squealing in surprise at what lies beneath – that part is tops. New Years Eve almost always finds me near-tears for no fucking reason the whole day, until I wake on January 1, and feel, well, lighter. The elephant sitting squarely upon my chest is gone, as are the fifty pound weights attached to my neck.

I don’t know why this happens to me. But it does – every year.

After the holidays pass, and I am finally able to breathe again, it is time for my daughter’s birthday. My daughter. My daughter who will be three this year, and has not once had the birthday party I’ve wanted to give her. It is my fault – January 1, the anxiety takes over and I’m barely able to leave the house. I become a slave to it – the thoughts it gives me, “you’ve lost all your friends,” “no one will come to her party,” “you’re weak – you should be able to do it.”

Those thoughts beat at me until I relent, deciding upon a “quiet family party,” playing it off like that’s all I’ve actually wanted to do, anyway. I mean, she won’t remember it anyway, so why bother? She’s only (insert young age here).

What they – you – don’t know is that it’s not by choice. It’s never been a choice. If I could choose, it would be her birthday tomorrow, I could skip the month of January, only to wake up on January 28 to a perfectly executed party attended by those whom I love and who love me too (short list as it may be).

I decided, as I always do, that it’s time to get ready for that party – to finally do it. This was during the end of December, that awful week between Christmas and New Years. For a whole week, my resolve, it was strong.

Just yesterday, I realized that I didn’t have the addresses of many of those who I wanted to invite. And shit, it’s already January 3, and her party is in like 4 weeks. That’s not enough time. Maybe I shouldn’t do it. I should just throw her a nice quiet family party or take her for Mouse Pizza in the seventh circle of parental hell. I shouldn’t throw her a party. No one will come, anyway.

And shit – she won’t remember it anyway.

(Amelia’s drawing of a good guy being attacked by bad guys)

I felt that hopelessness, that despair, sink in – I’ve been here before and I’ve always chosen to listen to that asshole voice in my ear – no one WILL come. It’s pointless to throw a toddler a party. I’m weak.

Then I stopped.

Before I could spiral any more, I stopped myself, and went over to evite – y’know, those crappy email invites? Yeah, I never use those. I love stationary, and paper invitations and nice thick envelopes, and handmade cards (it’s the same reason I never send Christmas cards – I get overwhelmed by the beautiful ones I could be making and end up sending none at all) and fuck email invitations.

Within ten minutes, I had an invitation ready to send. Ten minutes after that, I’d sent it to ten people.

I cannot tell you, Pranksters, how proud of myself I am. I looked my demons in their eyes and told them to fuck the fuck off. I will throw my daughter a party and people will come. There will be a house full of people who love her, even if half my friends live scattered around the country.

For that day, I will insist that my demons wear party hats and serve punch. If they don’t like it? They can go back into my closet. Because that day, that day is for my daughter.

She will finally get the celebration I’ve wanted to give her for three long years.

The pink balloons – like my heart – will, at long last, fly.

*If you guys are local, (I’m in a suburb of Chicago), we’d love to have you – and not because she needs presents, but because she needs to meet so many of the people who love her. I mean it. Just send me your email address and I’ll send you the evite…if you promise not to judge me for it.

posted under Goin' Off The Rails On A Crazy Train

123 Comments to

“Pathway Through (The) Secret Door”

On January 3rd, 2012 at 11:18 am Irant Says:
Good for you! It’ll be a great party, and those demons WILL serve the punch, and they WILL like it…

K
On January 3rd, 2012 at 12:12 pm Your Aunt Becky Says:
Fuck YEAH they will! Fucking asshole demons!
On January 3rd, 2012 at 11:21 am ArykaNotErika Says:
I will be at the PRE PARTY. Acting a fool to celebrate Mimi and make you laugh and remember the light. And even thought I wont be able to make it in person, I bet there are a lot of folks that would love to see the e-vite cuz I bet it DRIPS awesome sauce. As do you. And Mini You.
On January 3rd, 2012 at 12:12 pm Your Aunt Becky Says:
You fucking will be there. Or I’ll hunt you down and make you eat bacon. Wait…that’s not a threat.
On January 3rd, 2012 at 11:23 am Lindsay @lilloveandluck Says:
So proud of you for kicking some ass. The party is going to be great. For both of you. I’d come if I was closer, promise.
On January 3rd, 2012 at 12:13 pm Your Aunt Becky Says:
I think it’s going to be some awesome closure for me, which I needed. I needed to feel empowered (I HATE that word).
On January 3rd, 2012 at 11:23 am amy Says:
Good gawd, we could be clones I think. I have my son’s birthday right before Christmas, and my daughter’s birthday is today. My son is developmentally delayed (un-diagnosed Autism) and I have always skimped out on giving him a proper party. This year he invited kids from his class for the first time, and he turned 9. I have let my daughter take the reins on her birthday, and while that’s liberating for me in a way, it also feels like a copout and makes me feel like a shit parent. Sigh.

Good for you to face your demons, and e-vites are still invitations. Kick the demons in the taco.
On January 3rd, 2012 at 12:19 pm Your Aunt Becky Says:
I want to hug you now.
On January 3rd, 2012 at 11:26 am Jeans Y Says:
Woohoo! Good for you! I can relate and I might go give my demons a kick in the ass – it’s time.
On January 3rd, 2012 at 12:19 pm Your Aunt Becky Says:
It’s fucking time to tell those demons to shove off.
On January 3rd, 2012 at 11:29 am Tracie Says:
YOU are awesome. The party will be awesome, too. And she is going to have a blast!!

Wishing I lived closer – but I will see y’all at the hangout. xoxo
On January 3rd, 2012 at 12:22 pm Your Aunt Becky Says:
We’ll be on Google! Or I will. Rocking the suburbs, baby.
On January 3rd, 2012 at 11:31 am Dawnie Says:
I am so very excited to be there and meet Mimi. She’s an inspiration to us all and she deserves the very best party indeed! It’s going to be awesomesauce. And I’ll be there to remind your demons to shut their whore mouth because you should get to enjoy this day too. It’s just as much for you as it is for Mimi.
On January 3rd, 2012 at 12:22 pm Your Aunt Becky Says:
YAY! So glad you’re coming, duder!
On January 3rd, 2012 at 11:34 am Jamie Says:
Awesome. Such a streasful thing but I’m sure the party will be great and she will LOVE it.

I’m totally local and could party!
On January 3rd, 2012 at 12:23 pm Your Aunt Becky Says:
BRING IT ON! What’s your email address! I’ll shoot you an invite.
On January 3rd, 2012 at 11:34 am Brandon Says:
I love this! Congratulations on taking the first step into a bigger world.

If my boys were close to Chicago, I’d ask for an invite. My youngest will be 4 in March, and he’s Mr Social Cassanova.

Just keep telling yourself “You can do it” until you can exhale and say “You did it.”
On January 3rd, 2012 at 12:23 pm Your Aunt Becky Says:
I did it! you’re fucking right I did. I’m just. I fucking DID IT.
On January 3rd, 2012 at 11:37 am Coco Says:
Just stopping in to say I love you, and good for you for kicking those demons right in the gaily decorated nut…bowls.

I’ll be there in spirit, and I know the party will rock just like you nand Mimi do. Smooch her for me.
On January 3rd, 2012 at 12:24 pm Your Aunt Becky Says:
I love you too, mah girl!
On January 3rd, 2012 at 11:40 am Andrea Says:
Let the demons have punch, but no cake! Hooray for you, and of course your baby girl!
On January 3rd, 2012 at 12:24 pm Your Aunt Becky Says:
They are NOT allowed cake. Demons do not deserve such things. EVER.
On January 3rd, 2012 at 11:40 am Delicia Says:
Yay! Way to kick those demons in the nuts! I wish I was closer, but sending big birthday hugs to Mimi, and big hugs to you too. I know the party will be wonderful!
On January 3rd, 2012 at 12:25 pm Your Aunt Becky Says:
I wish you lived closer too. *sad face*
On January 3rd, 2012 at 11:43 am WebSavvyMom Says:
–>Good for you and her. She’ll have a great time!
On January 3rd, 2012 at 12:25 pm Your Aunt Becky Says:
Thank you. I’m still all like OMG I DID IT! PEOPLE ARE COMING TO MAH HOUSE.
On January 3rd, 2012 at 11:56 am Jessica Says:
I needed to read this today, I have been SO struggling through December and now January and excusing myself from pretty much everything because of it and I always feel like I’m the only one but this year? Having to try way too hard to even enjoy Christmas, that was it for me. I never make resolutions but this year I’m promising myself to do more to get myself better. So proud of you for planning this party, I know too well what you are fighting to do it.
On January 3rd, 2012 at 12:26 pm Your Aunt Becky Says:
I love you. I love you because you get it. This year was so much harder than I could ever put into words and frankly, all I can say about it is that I made it through. Surviving isn’t living. I want to do more, too.
On January 3rd, 2012 at 12:02 pm Lovely Simulacrum Says:
Good for you! No pressure, but I was hoping you’d throw ME a birthday party this year. It’s in June, so you have plenty of time to plan…
On January 3rd, 2012 at 12:26 pm Your Aunt Becky Says:
We could combine ’em. Mine’s in July!
On January 3rd, 2012 at 12:05 pm Liz Says:
I’ll be there in spirit. My birthday is today. I used to hate how close to Christmas it is, but now I love it. BTW, I almost always flake out on sending b-day party invites too. When I lived in Texas I could just print up a flyer, and post it on the bulletin board. I had a few potluck b-days for the kids that way. Now? They get quiet family dinners because I’m afraid nobody will show up. Sucks, since they have friends. I hope.
On January 3rd, 2012 at 12:27 pm Your Aunt Becky Says:
Isn’t it weird? I get SO worried that no one will come – why bother, right?

And I’ll save your spirit a piece of cake.

AND HAPPY BIRTHDAY!
On January 3rd, 2012 at 12:09 pm Rich Says:
YaY for you AB! I know what it’s like to confront your inner demons, I do it frequently myself. Although unlike you, I can’t muster up the strength to actually subdue them. I’m so proud of you! I hope you have the world’s most awesome b-day party!
On January 3rd, 2012 at 12:27 pm Your Aunt Becky Says:
You can do it. If I can do it, you can too. Sending you love, my friend.
On January 3rd, 2012 at 12:16 pm Teala Says:
Aunt Becky, I love you and yours. Despite my (unfounded) fear of flying–it’s my first flight and trip to Chicago–I WILL be there! I cannot fucking wait to meet you and party hard–pardon me if I’m a bit starstruck for a moment. <3 like whoa!
On January 3rd, 2012 at 12:28 pm Your Aunt Becky Says:
You are GOING TO DO IT! I’m so fucking PROUD of you! Actual tears here!
On January 3rd, 2012 at 12:37 pm Teala Says:
And I’m proud of you! Yay all of us!

Also: I’m going to get liquored up before I get on the plane…not hammered but just good enough. That way I won’t freak-the-fuck-out.
On January 3rd, 2012 at 12:22 pm sharah Says:
Two things:
1) I mailed my paper invites 10 days before my son’s party, so 4 weeks is plenty of time
2) Those 8 invitations (and two facebook messages to his aunts) netted 32 people at his party once all the parents and siblings of the invitees were counted. So 10 invites can mean a gigantor party.

You’re going to have an awesome time, and even if she doesn’t remember it, you will — and you can take the pictures to prove it 🙂
On January 4th, 2012 at 11:46 am Your Aunt Becky Says:
That’s awesome. And you made me feel better. SO much better.
On January 3rd, 2012 at 12:27 pm Shana Says:
Long time reader here, I love this post because you are kicking some demon asses. I have the same issue with invitations, I am always afraid people will not come so I don’t send them then just have a nice night at home with the dog. I am in Palatine, so if you want to meet a 25 year old brown-haired nerd (of the female variety) feel free to forward the e-vite over to me and I will put on my party pants and mosey on over with gifts.
On January 3rd, 2012 at 12:29 pm Your Aunt Becky Says:
Um, why aren’t we hanging out more often! You’re about 45 minutes from me. What’s yer email address? I’ll get you an invite and you can strap on your party pants.

*claps hands*

YAY FOR NEW FRIENDS!
On January 3rd, 2012 at 12:34 pm Shana Says:
Shana (dot) orman (at) gmail (dot) com

YAY 😀

My boyfriend is going to look at me sooo funny when I tell him what I’m doing that day, and I will give him a huge grin and say peace out!
On January 3rd, 2012 at 12:29 pm Lizbeth Says:
I wish I lived in Chicago. If only to tell you in person, “YOU ROCK!”
On January 4th, 2012 at 11:46 am Your Aunt Becky Says:
I wish you did, too. Come visit!
On January 3rd, 2012 at 12:31 pm Becky Mochaface Says:
Go Aunt Becky! So proud of you for not listening to that asshole voice in your ear. Mimi might not remember the party but she’ll see the pictures and know her mom was awesome and loved her something fierce.
On January 4th, 2012 at 11:47 am Your Aunt Becky Says:
And I do. She’s mah girl. Thanks, mah friend.
On January 3rd, 2012 at 12:44 pm Amanda Says:
I’m suuuuuper bummed I don’t live closer. I LOVE birthday parties. Especially ones where you get to give munchkins presents because hi, that’s awesomely fun! I hope she has anamaaaazing time and the asshole demons don’t ruin anything! Go you for planning a par-Tay!!!!
On January 4th, 2012 at 11:47 am Your Aunt Becky Says:
That’s SO much fun, isn’t it? I love parties. LOVE them.
On January 3rd, 2012 at 12:45 pm Mayor Gia Says:
Aww, that sounds great! I totally spiral too. Good for you for stepping out of it.
On January 4th, 2012 at 11:47 am Your Aunt Becky Says:
The spiral is a piece of shit. We should ban the spiral.
On January 3rd, 2012 at 12:49 pm Grace Says:
One of these days, I WILL get to Chicago, and we will party our little butts off! Save my spirit a piece of cake too!
On January 4th, 2012 at 11:47 am Your Aunt Becky Says:
Your spirit can have TWO pieces of cake.
On January 6th, 2012 at 8:30 am Grace Says:
This would be a good time to tell you that my 1 year old won’t eat his supper if he knows there is cake. He just wants the cake. What can I say? He’s a smart kid!
On January 3rd, 2012 at 12:59 pm a Says:
I hope this is the turning point for you – and those demons retire to the closet permanently. Although, they probably know where your pants are. You might want to let them hang out for a bit so you can question them.

Mimi’s party will be awesome – and she will remember it.
On January 4th, 2012 at 11:48 am Your Aunt Becky Says:
You know, I’ll ask ’em where my pants are. Good call.

I also hope this is a turning point.
On January 3rd, 2012 at 1:07 pm Heather Says:
I think four weeks is plenty in advance. Zack turns five next week and we are supposed to be having some sort of party on the 15th but I have not sent out invitations yet. Eeekk… we may have to push it back a week. Or two… or… will he really notice? I bet he will now, 5 is a big age you know….
On January 4th, 2012 at 11:48 am Your Aunt Becky Says:
You can DO it! Do it any way!
On January 3rd, 2012 at 1:38 pm Leila (Don't Speak Whinese) Says:
I’m so fucking proud of you. I know how hard that was for you and you are ninja kicking those asshole demons. I wish we lived closer cause I’d be partying it up with both of you!
On January 4th, 2012 at 11:49 am Your Aunt Becky Says:
I so fucking wish you could come, duder. Seriously.
On January 4th, 2012 at 1:51 pm Leila (Don't Speak Whinese) Says:
If we lived in the same city not only would our spawns take over the world but we’d be kicking ass and taking names along with them!
On January 4th, 2012 at 4:43 pm Your Aunt Becky Says:
Can you imagine the mayhem? That’d be so rad.
On January 3rd, 2012 at 2:10 pm Maria Says:
If there was a way, I’d be there. Online hookup for faraway friends? Oh, wait… it would be at three am or something for me… never mind.
You are so loved, Becky, and so is Amelia. Remember this.
On January 4th, 2012 at 11:49 am Your Aunt Becky Says:
Thank you. Sometimes I need the reminder.
On January 3rd, 2012 at 2:14 pm Cute~Ella Says:
I don’t know if we can make it out this year for her bday party, but we’ll likely be out for a weekend in February.
On January 4th, 2012 at 11:49 am Your Aunt Becky Says:
OOOOOO! That’s awesome! Email me when you come out!
On January 3rd, 2012 at 2:32 pm Lori (aka Bubbe) Says:
Way to rock the bday party AB! It will be fabulous and I’m sorry I can’t be one of your guests, would love to bring my 4 year old grandson; I’ll be thinking about you and Mimi though. Have a blast! And then post it for us far away pranksters!
On January 4th, 2012 at 11:50 am Your Aunt Becky Says:
We’re going to have a blast. I’m so pumped about this. It means so much to me. I wish you could come!
On January 3rd, 2012 at 2:57 pm Dana Says:
I have to admit, I smiled – BIG – when I saw the evite! Yes I did!!
On January 4th, 2012 at 11:49 am Your Aunt Becky Says:
YOU DID? You best be coming, yo. I KNOW you’re local 😉
On January 3rd, 2012 at 3:57 pm Kelli @ Momma Needs a Beer Says:
Fuck yeah! You’ll rock this party for your daughter – no one else matters!!! I doubt you’ll have issues with people showing up (although I am familiar with your spiral!) If you tell the parents you’ll have alcohol for them, they will come. Oh yes, they will come. Stop the dry-party insanity!
On January 4th, 2012 at 11:50 am Your Aunt Becky Says:
Oh fuck that. We’ll have booze. Lots of booze.
On January 3rd, 2012 at 4:02 pm sashalyn Says:
I happen to be going out of town that weekend, but would’ve loved to come and celebrate with you. We live in Chicago & my Sophie is 3 1/2. Maybe a playdate some day? Anyway, congratulations on making it happen, even thru the depression & PTSD. You are rocking! You are gonna kick 2012’s ass, one evite at a time. P.S.- I was a total fail at Christmas cards this year, so I’m gonna try my hand at Valentines. Less pressure, you know? And who doesn’t love unexpected love?
On January 4th, 2012 at 11:51 am Your Aunt Becky Says:
Okay, you’d BEST be coming to hang with me sometime. And VD Day cards? Equally awesome. Perhaps more awesome!
On January 3rd, 2012 at 4:09 pm sashalyn Says:
Oh- and I forgot to say- that drawing? If you don’t frame that & place it somewhere you’ll see it every day, I may have to come & kick you in the taco.
On January 4th, 2012 at 11:51 am Your Aunt Becky Says:
Isn’t she a rad artist?
On January 3rd, 2012 at 4:21 pm Jolie Says:
Dude, I am SO there w/ya on the S.A.D. crapola. I’ve managed to host all 4 sets of g’parents through the house in the last 2 weeks, get the kids back to school, and actually get billing work done today. I am a demon-kicking number-ninja – hi-YA! SO super duper proud of you for sending evites – they TOTALLY count. And just like how if you wait until you have the $ to have kids, if you wait to make the perfect invites the party will be for her retirement. Just go with it, and ENJOY!! So great to hear you’re doing it!! Will let ya know next time I’m near Chicago fo-shizzle. We will pink balloon it all the way. Happy Birthday Celebrating!!!! 🙂
On January 4th, 2012 at 11:51 am Your Aunt Becky Says:
I cannot wait to finally hang with you, girl.
On January 3rd, 2012 at 5:03 pm Kate Says:
Fuck to the YEAH! Slap a party hat on those demons and perhaps a little bow tie and then making them serve as doormen and butlers and one can DJ. Fucking awesome. I KNOW Mimi’s party will rock.
On January 4th, 2012 at 11:52 am Your Aunt Becky Says:
I’m really, really excited. Not anxious – excited. This is awesome.
On January 3rd, 2012 at 5:07 pm NTE Says:
I so wish I were closer, so I could come bring some balloons for your little girl, and for you. I am exactly that way (the whole “I will ONLY send the best stationary – good intentions get in the way of actually accomplishing things” type person) about so many things, so I’m so happy that you were able to just get it done. And I know you all will have a kick-ass birthday party!
On January 4th, 2012 at 11:52 am Your Aunt Becky Says:
Sometimes, you just have to do it – even if it’s not exactly the RIGHT way. Does that make sense?
On January 3rd, 2012 at 5:18 pm Joules Says:
Balls to the walls, baby. Doo that shit!
On January 4th, 2012 at 11:53 am Your Aunt Becky Says:
Balls to the wall, y’all. We can DOOOO it. Also: wish like hell you lived closer.
On January 3rd, 2012 at 5:58 pm Kat Says:
You and The Bloggess have both made me so FUCKING proud today!
On January 4th, 2012 at 11:53 am Your Aunt Becky Says:
Awww. ‘fanks, girl!
On January 3rd, 2012 at 6:23 pm aubrey Says:
I would love to come. I’ve been trying to plan a trip to see you for like ever now. It will be a wonderful party
On January 4th, 2012 at 11:53 am Your Aunt Becky Says:
C’mon. We have GOT to hang out! Want me to send an evite to you?
On January 3rd, 2012 at 6:25 pm Laura Says:
Thanks for sharing… I have to say, the elephant for NYE? I have a herd of them … they slowly leave once January hits, though some years it takes about as long for that to happen as it does for me to take down Christmas decorations.

Long time lurker, long time Prankster, first time commenter: I’m proud of you. That’s a fuckin’ great thing you’re doing.
On January 4th, 2012 at 11:54 am Your Aunt Becky Says:
Isn’t that weird how those elephants stack up? I swear, they’re fucking assholes.
On January 3rd, 2012 at 6:29 pm Paula Says:
I will be there in spirit, hugging Princess Mimi, throwing glitter, and scarfing down cake!
On January 4th, 2012 at 11:54 am Your Aunt Becky Says:
Oh you’ll be on the call. I know it!
On January 3rd, 2012 at 8:04 pm Lee Says:
New reader…instant fan. I’m in Joliet…don’t wanna freak you out and ask for an evite since you don’t “know” me yet. Found you through Bye Bye Pie…LONG time reader there. Just wanna say I totally relate and am looking forward to kicking my demon’s asses…someday. The Demon colony suck the big one and I am tired of them worming their way into our lives.
Have a GREAT time at the party…I know you WILL!!!
On January 4th, 2012 at 11:55 am Your Aunt Becky Says:
You can SO come if you want! Send me your email address. Any friend of June is a friend of mine.
On January 3rd, 2012 at 8:26 pm katrina Says:
YOU ROCK! and Mimi’s party will rock!! ( My son’s b-day is New Year’s Day. When he was little i had a zillion reasons for not throwin him a party……But i usually did, and it was always awesome!) i wish oregon wasn’t so far away……i’m countin on seeing pixs here tho.
On January 4th, 2012 at 11:55 am Your Aunt Becky Says:
There will be many, many pictures. MANY.
On January 3rd, 2012 at 9:25 pm alisha Says:
honey, i would be there with fucking bells on my party hat and serve the shit out of some punch (southern girls aren’t just for batted eyelashes, we are taught how to serve punch) if i was an inch closer. really. and there WILL be a house full of people. but you know what? even if you have mouse pizza…you’re the most fantastic mommy your little girl could ever dream of, and you’re all hers. xo
On January 4th, 2012 at 11:56 am Your Aunt Becky Says:
Aw, hell. I wish you were local. I LOVE you southern girls.
On January 3rd, 2012 at 9:29 pm What We’re Reading This Week: January 4th — It Builds Character Says:
[…] Girl In A Dress: How To Make New Year’s Resolutions (And Be Happy)Mommy Wants Vodka: Pathway Through (The) Secret DoorLiteral Mom: Bring On The Clean (Living, That Is) In 2012 – And A GiveawayParenting Post: New […]
On January 4th, 2012 at 8:17 am Megan (Best of Fates) Says:
YAY!!! Congrats, that’s SO fabulous. There’s nothing like doing something you had talked yourself into believing you couldn’t. And if I lived near Chicago I would totally crash your party. Only I actually wouldn’t, because I’d convince myself I wouldn’t fit in and everyone would hate me and I’d slip and fall on the cake and ruin her first ever big birthday party. Still, though, I’d pretend I’d be coming, and you know what they say, it’s the pretending that counts.
On January 4th, 2012 at 11:57 am Your Aunt Becky Says:
OMFG. Girl, if you lived closer, I’d fucking FORCE you to show up.
On January 4th, 2012 at 8:58 am Kristine Says:
I wish I were local. I’d love to come to your/her kick ass party.
On January 4th, 2012 at 11:57 am Your Aunt Becky Says:
I do, too. I really wish you were local so we could HANG.
On January 4th, 2012 at 9:52 am magpie Says:
It will be fabulous! I wish I lived in/near Chicago – I’d come.
On January 4th, 2012 at 11:57 am Your Aunt Becky Says:
Man, I would love to have you near us. Not for the party, just so we could hang. I miss you!
On January 4th, 2012 at 10:42 am Marta Says:
Well my birthday is on January 28th (a fabulous day I might add) and I always go to Chicago for my birthday. =)

She’s going to have a fabulous birthday I know it.
On January 4th, 2012 at 11:58 am Your Aunt Becky Says:
Um. You’re coming to mah party, right?
On January 4th, 2012 at 12:18 pm Jessica Jo Says:
I almost love reading all these responses as I did the original post. So much freaking love is flying out of my monitor right now it’s amazeballs. And January always needs more Amazeball moments. I too find myself completely freaked out every time I think about having a party that no one will come, and I love to read your strength on how you kicked some demon ass (and if they don’t serve punch, you kick them right the hell outta your house, don’t let em back in the closet!). I am local, but have no kids to bring to share in the party – am I still allowed to come and bring…well, really, bring whatever the hell you want me to bring?

In regards to invites and mass holiday mailings in general, I’ve found that sending a few cards throughout the year for no reason to friends who aren’t expecting it is WAY better than any formalized holiday mass sending. Everyone loves and deserves a “Hey, you kick ass” card on a Tuesday. Just my way to help kick my own “you’re a sucky holiday communicator/friend” demon right the hell back to another zip code. Which of course means that if anyone here wants a random card and we can figure out how to get me your address I will absolutely send you something! You Pranksters deserve it!
On January 4th, 2012 at 4:44 pm Your Aunt Becky Says:
Fuck yeah, you can come! Send me your email address, duder! I’d LOVE to have you.
On January 4th, 2012 at 1:11 pm Kori Says:
You rock. I feel so much less alone in my freakiness around the holidays. Go party!
On January 4th, 2012 at 4:45 pm Your Aunt Becky Says:
We freaks should get our OWN table, right? I’d happily sit there and bask in my freakiness.
On January 4th, 2012 at 1:32 pm CathiC Says:
Now you know I would be there in person if I could. Of course, you really wouldn’t want me there, as no one else would be able to get close to Mimi because of all the cheek smooching she’d be getting from me. Unless you switch her out with Alex or Ben at some point, then maybe the other party guests could see her. I will *settle* for virtual smooches via the hangout, though! Her party is going to rock. I can just feel it.
On January 4th, 2012 at 4:45 pm Your Aunt Becky Says:
I really am excited. The only thing keeping me sane right now, actually.
On January 4th, 2012 at 3:58 pm Lindsay Says:
im in awe of this courage you’ve found (if only to invite the internets to your house.) and your little girl. she needs buckets of presents, I will bring at least one. I live in aurora so if you need help making unicorn cakes or kitten favors let me know.
On January 4th, 2012 at 4:46 pm Your Aunt Becky Says:
I’d LOVE it if you came! That’d be amazing. Send me your email address and I’ll evite you!
On January 4th, 2012 at 8:40 pm Jessica Jo Says:
Jessica (dot) Murnane (at) Gmail (dot) com
On January 4th, 2012 at 4:43 pm Terry Says:
I’m going to tell you a secret I wish I had learned before mine hit 16. My friend had a 5 year old an a one year old and her birthday parties are the ones everyone always come away with having enjoyed the most. Her whole prep is general cleaning, and buying colour appropriate balloons and paper plates. The menu is hot dogs (both beef and mystery meat) , cake and ice cream. It’s 4 hours tops and everyone is e-mailed/facebooked the time and date. That’s it. (well, okay, she bribes her friends into coming the night before to blow up the balloons.)
I did the every year the bigger and better parties, and the only one who noticed were me and the bitch of a PTA queen that somehow felt we were in competition because the boys of the class went to her sons party on the same weekend as my girl’s. Yes, have a nice cake, yes decorate, sure even have nice invites if you want but remember the best party at any age is the people who care enough to come and have fun. The only expectations anyone has to meet are their own, and you’re allowed to cut yourself a break.
On January 4th, 2012 at 4:47 pm Your Aunt Becky Says:
You know, I think that may be my new years resolution: cut myself a damn break. Seriously.

Loves this, by the way!
On January 4th, 2012 at 5:17 pm Mrs. One Day Says:
You’re really brave and kicked that depression in the ass. I admire that! We don’t live in the Chicago area, but you can send me the evite anyway. I just want to see your handiwork, I admit it.

Keep your spirits up, girl!
On January 4th, 2012 at 5:51 pm L Says:
I am so very proud of you! You rock! If I were in your area, I’d be there in heartbeat – it’s gonna be great!
On January 5th, 2012 at 5:34 pm HeatherS Says:
I love that you got the invites out. I myself have invited people to my kids’ parties via REGULAR email when the goings are rough for me. We do what we have to do as Moms and if it makes our kids happy, it’s good enough. You ARE a rockin’ Mommy, don’t ever forget that.
Wish I was local so I could meet you and your kids, Aunt Becky. I’m sure my ADHD, son- without-aspergers-but-who-has-“asperger quirks” -and-my Selective Mutism daughter who talks most comfortably to other kids would have a grand time playing with your kids.
On January 5th, 2012 at 5:38 pm HeatherS Says:
P.S. My kids have summer birthdays and sometimes it’s hit or miss with school friends and even family friends’ schedules. Kids are elated when they have 3 friends or 30 friends to play with! As long as there is someone to play with, cake and some presents, and BALLOONS, don’t forget the BALLOONS, she will be ecstatic!
On January 6th, 2012 at 2:20 am Al_Pal Says:
Good on ya for kickin the demon arse!
Evites totally count!

Next time I’m in Chi-town, I will certainly let you know!!!
(I’ve only been once in 2008, want to revisit for sure!)
On January 10th, 2012 at 3:21 pm Inelegant Life Says:
So proud of you, AB! In November I fought off my demons and planned a purse/jean party for this weekend. I never have these kinds of parties, because typically nobody would come and it would require cleaning my house and being social, and I usually end up depressed because nobody came. But I live in a new place and have new friends and so I planned it. And people are actually coming! I will not sabotage myself by worrying that my house isn’t nice enough and the food isn’t good enough. I will do what I can do and enjoy margaritas and Mexican food while we all look at purses, try on jeans, and gossip! And this giant step forward for me is due in part to you and The Bloggess – your posts inspire me everyday. So thank you – and if I were not on the west coast, I would so be at your daughter’s party!