Light And Airy, Like My Head
Aunt Becky: “I know you’re trying to dress up more for work and all.”
The Daver (warily): “Yes.”
Aunt Becky: “So I did some shopping with Pashmina.”
The Daver: “Oh NO.”
Aunt Becky (continues on obliviously): “And we came up with the perfect solution. I know you were going to go to Brooks Brothers after work to buy some of those SOMBER suits, but I took the liberty of going downtown and buying you a new suit myself!!”
The Daver: “You didn’t.”
Aunt Becky: “Oh, I did.”
The Daver (puts his head in his hands): “Oh no”
Aunt Becky: “See, now here’s the bright red one, with a matching red shirt and a red jacket and red shoes!!”
The Daver: (groans)
Aunt Becky (whips out from behind her): “And look baby! I got you A MATCHING HAT!”
(puts it on his head)
Aunt Becky: “Don’t you look so nice in red!”
The Daver: “I hate you.”
Aunt Becky: “There, there. You won’t hate me when you see that I got a belt with your name on it! JUST LIKE MINE!”
(proudly points to her BECKY* belt)
The Daver: “…”
Aunt Becky: “You’re going to look FANCY.”
The Daver: “It’s bright red, Becky.”
Aunt Becky (eyes sparkling): “You’re going to look like a rainbow. Like me! Plus, the suit from Brooks Brothers is like 4 zillion dollars and this was $30. I saved you approximately, well, okay, math is hard, but it was A LOT of money. Pashmina even said so. And ENGLISH majors are VERY smart. She has like 8 degrees.”
(smiles happily)
The Daver: (looks doubtfully at the suit) “I’ll try it on.”
Aunt Becky: “PLUS. I got you socks. Some guy was selling them out of a garbage bag for $6. HOW COULD I REFUSE THAT? That is PRACTICALLY giving it away. I SAVED you money.”
The Daver: “Becky, these are pink WOMEN’S socks and they have HOLES in the toes. Plus, they smell like cheese.”
Aunt Becky: “Those are AIR holes, Dave. I am sure the MANUFACTURER intended them to be there. And you love cheese!”
The Daver: “Dude, I look kinda sweet.”
Aunt Becky: “See, I don’t steer you wrong, baby. Now let’s go get some shamrock shakes to celebrate. Just don’t, uh, stand too close to me. You’re giving me a headache.”
*Yes, I really do have a belt with my name on it. You should too.
OH! And delicious secret is revealed…
Oh man, that is FABulous.
BeYOND fabulous.
Eww?
By “eww” you mean “hot?” 😉
Oh, no, certainly not.
A belt with my name on it and a wallet that says Bad Mother F—-r on it….
That would be MY wallet.
That’s a flagrant violation of something.
He is either a pimp or a traffic cone. I haven’t decided.
Why have OR when you can have AND?
SWEET! Where can I get my husband and son one? We have family pics coming up next weekend and a suit like that would be purrfect. Assuming it doesn’t blind our photographer.
He will no doubt look very, very fancy.
You will live in happiness, too, like the Pimpa Limpa doobedy doo.
Bwahahahahaa! Ed, I just, I’m so glad I know you.
DF also refuses to wear red. I think he would look good in red but the man wears nothing brighter than a grey or olive green shirt.
Daver will actually wear colors, but I’m thinking he’d bury me in the garden if I tried to get him to wear this.
That was SWEET! Your such an awesome wife.
I am only the best wife ever. I should get a medal.
Daver, being married to Aunt Becky makes you vicariously awesome, but only Andre 3000 could pull off this look. Oh, or maybe Prince.
Prince could totes get away with that.
Um….I think even Prince has his limits.
Dude, you didn’t mention the mid-calf patent boots! But then, they’re better in pictures…
Exactly. You needed to see how elegant he looked!
I was picturing the pimp when you said hat. 🙂
Bwahahahaha!
Yes.
Exactly! I’m making him bring it to BlogHer.
It takes serious balls to rock those boots. They were made of ball leather, right?
PATENT leather. EVEN BETTER.
Now, really, The Daver NEEDS that suit.
I am telling you that he really, really does.
I can’t decide what’s worse. The hat, the suit, the boots or the fact that someone (other than you) put it all together as “fashion”.
That’s the scary part. It’s PRADA. PRADA. I’m serious.
You have a blog stalker. I am so jealous.
I know. Doesn’t that make me special!?
The boots are extraordinary!! They really pull the entire outfit together. Nice work Becky. He’s lucky to have you.
See! That’s what I said!
Now Jon’s going to want a belt with his name on it….thanks a lot! 🙂
Hopefully, he can find someone to bling his out. Because I happen to be looking for someone to bling MINE out.
Police Officer: Why exactly did you strangle your wife sir?
Daver: She spent real money on that! (points to scarlet fashion nightmare)
Police Officer: I completely understand, we’ll find someone to discreetly dispose of the body.
Perhaps you can dispose of me in my rose garden…
HEY WAIT A MINUTE.
The Daver gets credit for trying it on. I too was thinking the pimp thing. Maybe we can find him a great cane to go with that suit.
What’s this about a blog stalker? What the hell is that?
If you’re going to get a cane, make sure you get a feather for that hat as well. Got to accessorize to be a pimp!
Bwahahaha – That suit is fabulous. Love the boots, poor Daver wont be able to keep the women off of him.
Oh, and your stalker picked THAT picture of all of them. One of the comments…. “Looks like Mommy HAD vodka”. I totally snorted my Dr. Pepper.
I love it! My husband would freak out if I ever did that to him.
http://www.monkeetrouble7.wordpress.com
pimpin’!
😉
You are very devious with your alter egos and whatnot. I am seeing a new side of you and I like it!
The Daver is quite the good sport, isn’t he? He looks kinda like the devil on the runway at one of those ridiculous Paris fashion shows. Yeah. Just uber cool. 😉
Who knew pimp style would make a comeback? And if I wore belts, I would totally get one with my name on it too.
You are a sick and twisted woman Aunt Becky.. I think I love you!
Actually, I think I already own a pair of boots like that.
The suit really sets them off, though. I love the expression on The Daver’s (totally non-Photoshopped!) face – it’s kind of a cross between “Suck it, bitches.” and “My feet smell like Doritos, thank God for these boots.”
Daver looks super sexy…you did good Aunt Becky.
Do they make that suit in Large Tall? Because I’m pretty sure that Mr. Moon needs one.
I hope you have good life insurance…
What to say? The post hysterical, which anything where you refer to Dave as The Daver would have to rock.
The ensemble (take note of fancy shmancy word) – hey, it rocks. I am gay, and I work in fashion, and I think that is just a little too far… where can I get one?????
What, no pimp stick? You got gypped.
I smell a promotion….
OH MY GOODNESS.
Red is not for me… but….
I have a giant disney cheshire cat belt buckle, so.. Your name is probably a step up from that. 😀
Will he be making a stop at the ACORN office?
Oh. Dear. Lord. Bahahahah!!
You CAN’T be serious.
Dude, where’s the scarf? You need the scarf to make it complete.
[…] Staying on the booze theme I headed over to Vodka Mom and a touching story of her daughters, Bitchy and Sassy. No trip down the vodka aisle would be complete without reading Mommy Wants Vodka and her new post, Light And Airy, Like My Head. […]
those are some bad pimp ass threads yo. and i dig the matching lid.
That suit it AWESOME! Tell me you got some shiny crocodile shoes to go with it!!
Oh he looks swell, doesn’t he?
Make him wear a red suit to the office. Just once. And be there to take pictures. That would be pure awesomeness. Tell him it would be good for morale (it would. peons like to laugh at their higher ups).
Dude. Can you ONLY IMAGINE? It would be pure genius.