Guest Post: Tales of an Unemployed Male Web Designer
Unemployment can cause crazy things to happen in a person’s life. Sometimes, you get lazy and sleep all day and do nothing. At all. You’re just so down about life kicking you in the ball (I only have one) that you don’t really even wanna try looking for another job. You just wanna a suckle of the government tit and hope for the best.
Sometimes people end up having crazy relationships with their pets. I’ve found myself in this predicament. Every. single. day. I talk to my dog. All day long. Not like you’d normally talk to a pet, like “good boy” or “sit, doggie, sit,” or even “no! don’t shit on the couch!”
No.
I have long conversations with my dog about applying for jobs. I mean, he’s one of my best friends so he knows me well, right? So we have long and meaningful conversations about life. He and I have started discussing how he’s going to react when my wife and I adopt a child. He’s okay with the idea, as he was himself was adopted. He’s just worried that when the baby arrives, he’s going to be put on the back burner; he doesn’t think he’ll be relevant anymore. I assure him that everything will be fine but he says he’s going to wait and see what happens when the baby actually arrives.
NORMAL STUFF, right?
I’ve started to watch or rewatch TV shows. But, as I started watching some of these shows I noticed that I didn’t want to be reminded of being unemployed and I didn’t want my entertainment to be kind of a downer. So I suggested to my wife that we watch her favorite show. The one show that I always said that I wouldn’t watch again… EVER.
FRIENDS.
What man would say “I want to watch FRIENDS” without a gun pointed at his head? Well, I remember watching it back when it was on TV with my mom and thought it was funny. It still has to be somewhat funny right?
It is. I’m shamed to admit that I’m highly enjoying watching this show. I kinda feel I need my man-card revoked. My wife and I have plowed through two seasons already and are not showing any signs of slowing. Yes, it’s a sitcom. There is a laugh track and the jokes are predictable but right now? That’s what I need. I need something I know is going to be good during this time of uncertainty. I don’t wanna spend two weeks watching Battlestar Galactica and have every single muscle in my body tensed up when Starbuck shows back up on the show. Spoiler, I guess, but if you haven’t watched it, I’m well outside the statute of limitations on spoilers for shows that have ended. So suck it.
All I want after a hard day of sending off resumes, going to interviews, and laying around the house trying not to be lazy is a good solid hour and a half of funny friends having crazy, predictable, funny stuff happen to them. Hence, Friends.
Also, this blog was going to focus more on conversations with my dog, but through our conversations, I found out that he can kind of be a dick. I didn’t want to give him a bad reputation.
————————
Your man card should be revoked, my dog said so. Also, he said it’s perfectly normal to have conversations with your dog, as long as it weighs more than a cat. Cats are the true asshats.
I’m revoking it, too. Sorry, Jason.
It’s ok, you can keep your man card. However, and I’m so sorry about this… It’s your other ball you need to give up
Good thing I didn’t mention how I liked appletini’s.
i don’t think i ever watched ‘friends’ when it was on during its original run. not once. but i can’t lie, if it happens to come on the television when i’m home alone, i get sucked in. for hours at a time. it is funny.
and i identify with the idea of just wanting to relax and watch funny nonsense. life sucks enough. the world around us is stressful enough. i don’t always want to get sucked into some stressful, crazy, thrilling situation on television (although i do love ‘the walking dead’, which is not ‘mindless and relaxing’). but ‘friends’ is. it’s mindless, funny, sometimes endearing, but it’s not heavy or super emotional and it doesn’t require like THOUGHT.
i think your love of appletini’s is a much bigger threat to your man card than liking ‘friends’.
I LOVE Friends! But I can, since I’m a girl. I also have whiskers and a man voice, so maybe that balances everything out? What was the question again?
I’mma go ahead and give you a pass on the dog talks. I used to chat with my dog all the time, and she couldn’t even hear herself fart anymore she was so deaf. The Friends thing? That’s a horse of a different color, dude. Just say no.
Jason,
You can’t just put it out there, you having one ball, and not give us the back-story.
Now I’m gonna spend all night wondering what happened to it? Did it get impaled on a unicorn horn? Did you bronze it like a pair of baby shoes? Is it hanging like a disco globe from the car’s review mirror?
Spill it!
Becky – so sorry to hear about all you have been going through lately. I have been having an eerily similar past few years. 🙁 Hang in there hun! ((hugs))
Jason – I feel ya on the unemployededness…
Thank you for this post. I often get tired of people blogging about how successful they are, how much they travel, how many friends they have etc. It’s not that I enjoy hearing about other people’s trials but I find comfort knowing that I’m not the only person who doesn’t have a glamorous life.
Verry funny post .