Great Expectations, Giant Let Down
Have you ever had one of those conversations where both parties walk away thinking that they’ve established something completely different? Apparently, I had one of those a couple of weeks ago. Cue Wayne’s World like hand motions and wavy camera work as I take you back.
Today is Bastille Day, which means that tomorrow SHOULD be a national holiday–it’s my birthday–but the government has, so far, ignored it. After last year’s decidedly terrible birthday (of which in this post there is no mention of several other key factors against it. Like the fact that I hadn’t slept more than an hour in months and that Dave spent most of my waking hours hiding from the kids and I in the basement) and once I’d reached the conclusion that since NOT celebrating it wasn’t an option (Internet, meet my son Ben, who loves a party more than a drunken co-ed) I decided that I wanted to do something low-key.
I blithely asked The Daver to take *gasp* a day *gasp* off work *o the humanity!* so that I wouldn’t be stuck doing what I deemed to be “depressing” and “sad.” Basically, much as I love my children, I didn’t want to spend my day alone with them wiping poo-covered butts just like every other day on the planet.
The Daver, who would be a work-a-holic in any job, works the type of job that I can compare only to resident doctors (he is not a doctor) in that his hours are ridiculous and frustrating. For instance, most weeks he works 80+ hour weeks and is seldom home to see the kids when they wake up OR before they go to bed at night. I had to threaten him not to bring his Blackberry into the delivery room when Alex was born.
While it’s not a job I’m always peeing sunshine and roses over him having–I’m downright tired of being having a silent partner–it allows me to stay home with the kids, which beats the shit out of any nursing job I could score. Plus, he really does like what he does, which even I know is a rarity for most people.
I often compare his job to another, more neurotic (shut up) wife.
So for me to ask him to take the day off for my birthday is much more of a big deal than it sounds. For both of us. He might have to spend some time NOT WORKING and I might spend some time with another pair of hands around the house.
Well, in typical fashion for his job, we’d agreed that he’d take a couple of days around my hallowed day of birth off so that he could squeeze a mini-vacation into that time as well, but I found out last week that this wasn’t going to happen. But, I thought we’d discussed, he’d take my birthday proper off, save for a couple of hours in the mid-morning.
And you can guess what happened yesterday: he informed me that no, in fact, he wouldn’t be able to take my birthday off at all. But he might leave early. Maybe. (can I just say, yeah RIGHT?)
So I’m back to spending my birthday at home, alone with the kids, just like today and just like the day after today.
He doesn’t understand why I’m upset with him over this. In his mind, he’s absolved since he promised to either take another day off this week (yeah.right) and even take a week off at the end of the month (yeah.fucking.right), and while I am positive that neither of those would actually happen, it’s not the same. Tuesday, July 15 is my birthday, it is my only birthday and I will be 28 this year ON Tuesday.
It’s stooped so low for me that I had to beg my parents–whom I see every day anyway–to hang out with me on my birthday so that I don’t have to be alone. If that’s not the dorkiest, most pathetic thing I’ve ever had to do, I’m not sure what is. Maybe we can play Yahtzee or Monopoly while drinking some sparkling water! It’s going to be a fucking blast! I’ll be 28 going on 6! Hooray for hanging with my parents!
People always assume that I hate my birthday because I hate getting older, and that’s simply not true. I hate my birthday because no matter how much I beg, it’s just like every other day on the planet for me.
Oh darlin’. Leave the kids with your parents and run away for the day.
Happy Birthday to us! I totally know how you feel, never got to have to super fun school birthday and its always hotter than hell. Wretched wife that I am, have not mentioned a word about my birthday to see if my husband remembers. I am thinking about celebrating my half birthday this year due to my own set of drama lately. Happy birthday though!
Happy birthday Rock Superstar!
Heck– have them come over the watch the boys so you can go spend some money on yourself…. or go and get one of youir favorite pedicures!!
Nooooooooot okay, dude. Not okay. I kind of want to kick the Daver’s ass. Birthdays are special days that are supposed to be treated as such. DUUUDE. Come out here and we’ll have cupcakes.
I think the Daver owes you a day, at the very least, to yourself. You should leave the kids with your parents, go get a pedi and then spend an enormous amount of cash at the nearest Burberry store. Yes, they have summer stuff. And treat yourself to birthday Creme Brulee. Wish I could come and go with.
Sometimes you just have to take matters into your own hands.
That happens every year on my birthday too.
Drop the kids off at granmas and get a pedicure.
I’m sorry to hear that, dude. I spent my last birthday at work, but the people there managed to get past the soul-crushing atmosphere long enough to make me a really sweet homemade card AND go out for a long liquor lunch. (I was already pregnant so I got to mostly laugh at them while they tried to stay awake the rest of the day.)
Still, it’s hard. Especially when we as moms are the Party Planners for everything else. And secretly deep down it’s hard not to want a pile of cupcakes and balloons and general birthday-related asshat-ery.
That, then, would make me the anti-Becky.
Until I met my wife, my birthday WAS just like any other day. I didn’t “celebrate” my birthday until I met her, and she decided we had to. (Now, her and my daughter do it together.)
But I still prefer the “every other day” style. I’m just not a fan of the celebrations I guess.
Guys. It’s all because thye are lacking so much genetic material in their puny little ‘Y’ chromosome.
Come on over to my house and we’ll hang out. Bring the kids and I’ll wipe poopy butts for you. 🙂
Leave the kids with grandparents…
go to a movie, get a mani/pedi/facial/massage – go to a bookstore and read ..do something nice for yourself – ALONE!
Happy Birthday
Aw honey, you are just like me. I so want to just love my birthday, I really do. But I want it to be flippin’ special and it is always such a letdown. If you remember, I spent this past one crying the entire day. fun.
I will be thinking of you tomorrow, wish I could fly out and whisk you away for some inappropriate fun.
damn it. don’t they have like doggie daycare for kids? there has to be someone’s vacation bible school going on or something. no emergency child care with the husband’s job? there has to be!!!!
i say you make him ask about it, then you drop them suckers off there tomorrow and head for the trees!
there has to be somewhere you can ditch them! you may have to pay, but damn, there is somewhere. summer art camps, cooking class for kids, something!!!
happy birthday to you becky – i hope you find some place to drop off the kids and get out and enjoy a decent day!
hello there…
i’ve never been to your blog before… but i saw on calliope’s blog that your birthday is tomorrow!!! mine, too…
Happy Birthday, Birthday-Sister!!!
xo,
gypsy
If I lived closer, I’d wipe up the kids poop for you. That would be my gift.
Since misery loves company, let me tell you my recent story…
I just got married and had no bridal shower, a quickly thrown together bachelorette party, and one friend who agreed to be with me the morning of the wedding (despite three others being asked). The other friends… *sigh* The wedding, while amazing for me and my husband, was disappointing as far as my friends rallying around me. You can’t have a rally when no one shows up, can you? Lucky for me I seem to have chosen a better husband than friends.
email me your phone number. i will call and sing happy birthday to you. ;P i know its not much… but i only do it for special people 🙂
Ah yes. The super suckage of the mom’s birthday. I remember the year that I didn’t even get a cake. YUP NO CAKE. AT. ALL. (I love cake).
The next year all my friends baked me cakes so I had about 6 lol.
I also have found myself hanging with the parental units on my birthday…yay for us!
Do have a Happy 28th though. If it’s any consolation to you my hubby did eventually “get it”. Sometimes it happens when the kids get a bit older.
Hugs and big birthday wishes to you.
You know, I knew there was something special about you from the very beginning, aside from your smarts (smartass?), wit and sweetness — we share a birthday! Well, sort of. Mine happened 10 (cough, cough, hack, cough) years before yours, but still… a birthday is a birthday. A very important day.
And it should be celebrated accordingly. Here’s hoping your family gets it together and appropriately acknowledges the great benefit to the universe that your existence bestows.
This year it will be just another day for me which, considering recent events, I think is just fine. (Getting ready to head out of town on Wednesday to watch my brother get married/make a big mistake.) Usually though, I want the ice cream cake and dinner and flowers and the whole shebang. There’s always next year.
Even if I’m not present in blogland tomorrow, I’ll be thinking of you and wishing you a wonderful year, a great day and due appreciation from your family.
HAPPY BIRTHDAY!
I agree with the above! Leave the boys with your parents and have a day for yourself, and perferably not get home til after the daver.
Sigh.
You know my feelings on this. 80 hours a week is just too much work for someone who wants to be an active participant in a marriage and a family. I would be fucking pissed.
But I love the treat-yourself-to-spa-day thing. Might as well spend all that money that he’s working so hard to earn!
Maybe your parents could keep the kids and you could go spend the night in a hotel room and SLEEP as late as you want.
Ya know what always happens on my birthday? The First Day of School for my daughters. It will be even more fun this year because they will be going to different schools. Happy 40th Birthday to me, ha!
Really? Are you from St. Charles, Missouri, not far from St. Louis?? See, if I knew you, I would have loved to meet you!!!!! LOL
I’m with those that suggest you sleep late in a hotel room then go get a pedicure and enjoy a trip to Burberry. Better yet, do something immature like I would and drop the kids at Daver’s office, tell him you have an appendectomy scheduled and you’ll be home when the meds wear off. I’ll bet anything that asshat is an associate in a law firm. Am I right?
I think some people just don’t “get it”. A birthday is a special day. It’s a day for others to treat you like a princess, to be extra nice to you. When I was married, I was always disappointed on my birthday. It just wasn’t special. And, hey, we’re the same age! I hope you at least get a sweet “Happy Birthday” from your boys when they wake you up at the crack of dawn.
I just realized it is my ex’s birthday today…he’s 30…hahahaha!
Boo hissssss, Daver. You suck.
I would hunt E down at work and kill him if he even thought about working 80 hours a week and not hiring me a nanny.
As for the birthday, sadly, it sounds just like mine every single year. *sigh* I’m with the rest, leave the kids with your parents, swing by that bakery you love and buy whacky cake, eat it by yourself and while you’re relishing your diabetic coma, you can get your feet rubbed and your hairs done.
I hope you wear The Daver’s ear off tonight bitching about his mistreatment of you, Queen of the Sausagedom.
The Silent Husband is named the Silent Husband for a reason!
I think we live the same life! Happy early birthday, sister! 🙂
Oh dude. I know how you feel. Had my friend not made me half ass plan something for my birthday back in January, I’d have done nothing. No one remembers my bday. Not even my own mother. o_O
I agree with some of the comments that have told you to drop the kids with your rents and get a foot thingie. You love them and you should do something you love on your day of being born. Is that thing with your sister-in-law still on?
I’m sorry – I think the Daver owes you big time now.
But, if it makes you feel better, I pretty much always spend my birthday with my parents. It’s my Dad’s birthday too, this year I didn’t even get to pick the birthday meal that my husband made. Wow, now I’m starting to feel sorry for myself.
What I mean is, dump the kids on your parents and DEMAND a great birthday dinner and night out.
I refuse to go out to eat on my birthday, because I don’t trust my family to not ask the waitstaff to sing me their corny rendition of “Happy Birthday”. Sure, free cake would be nice… But I value my pride more.
Oh, honey. I promise I will wake up tomorrow and look in my Romper Room Magic Birthday Mirror and see Becky. Not only that, but I will write you another chipmunk post, since you seem to so enjoy them. Nothing has happened on that front today, but I’ll make it up just for you.
And if that’s not enough, you must check out my post where I award you a Bloggy. No shit, girlie, you can pick up your angel statue on your birthday. You haven’t been by to see that “Thanking the Little People” post yet I don’t think, so do it in the morning, and you will feel the love.
My husband sucks ass on every special day/holiday and never takes a day off either. My son and I basically go on vacations with friends, and he stops by for a day or two. That’s why I hang with the ladies on my birthday. At least that way I have fun. Happy birthday, Mama!
Lots of good ideas here. The point is, just do SOMETHING you wouldn’t ordinarily do and that you enjoy.
If it’s any consolation, let me just say that the years you’re going through- the years where you are having and raising your children while a partner is off working all the time to support this life- is the hardest time. It was for me, anyway.
So take some time off and away and do something lovely and special just for yourself.
Happy birthday.
Awww Becky!!! This post made me sad…
I am sorry that you have to spend your birthday just like anyother day of the frickin’ year.
I think the Daver owes you an entire weekend away. You deserve a weekend at a really fancy spa somewhere….I’ll even meet you there!
Hey Becky,
Sorry to hear about your lack of birthday plans. I can’t understand why the Daver is so hesitant to take time off of work if he has the time available, but I take days off when a good movie comes out, so there. If were weren’t seperated by a bazillion miles and moat filled with sharks with lazers mounted on their heads, I’d help plan something for you. But since we are, here is my early birthday wish for you: take some time for yourself and like others have said, leave the kids with the GP’s (that’s what they’re there for) and pamper yourself. But not literally. Unless you’re into that. Perv.
First — happy birthday.
Second — I SO feel your pain!
Wow, we have the same kids AND the same husband! Though the last time Kent pulled the whole “Oh shit sorry honey, I HAVE to work” thing, I got so pissed off that he went back and renegotiated with his boss to at least get out at half day that day. Freaking men.
If you lived nearby I would come over and play Yahtzee and drink sparkling water with you. AND I’d even bring cake and ice cream. Lots of ice cream.
Oh fuck. I’m such an ass!!
HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO YOU. HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO YOU. HAPPY BIRTHDAY DEAR BEEEEEEEECKYYYYYYYYY! HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO YOU!
(I hate my birthday too, for lots of reasons but none of them are that I’m getting older. I like getting older, haha.)
The Daver sounds alot like my husband. Well meaning, but clueless. After 13 years I have stopped expecting so as to avoid the big let down. This applies to gifts as well.
Happy Birthday by the way.
I suppose it’s all a matter of perspective. I grew up not having my birthday celebrated on the actual day, but on whatever weekend it was closest to. You get used to it. I have carried that tradition on with my daughter. As long as we get one day that is set aside to celebrate and eat out or have a party and cake and presents, what diff does it make if it’s the actual day? My feelings on this have come in handy over the years, because I don’t have to fight over holidays with the kid’s dad. He gets all uptight and bent out of shape because he wants what he wants on the day he wants it. It’s funny to watch him get upset over it.
What’s funny is my husband will take HIS birthday off, but not MINE, which is actually also our anniversary. We don’t celebrate Mother’s day, Valentine’s Day or Sweetest day traditionally either. It’s just so much less disappointing and stressful to worry about it that way.
Relax and get whatever you want for dinner, whatever cake and ice cream you want and just be happy you’re only 28. =) And Happy Birthday (tomorrow)!
a) Happiest birthday wishes.
b) Screw everyone else and take yourself out. It’s the only way I’m happy on my birthday, most years.
c) 80 hours? That’s no good. He needs to let go.
Happy Birthday. Take care and have fun!
Bastille Day adjacent, eh? Didn’t that have something to do with guillotines? Perhaps if you mentioned this in passing while using said guillotine to chop cabbages in half, you would get better results! 🙂
Awww fuck. If you weren’t married to the guy..I might call him names and send the stink eye his way. I love my birthday..and usually insist upon an entire birthday month (at least a week, or i’m pissed). Leave the kids with your folks, and come to Houston. I’ll get Milk Maid to come back and we’ll party like it’s 1999…or, whatever..you were probably like 2 when that song came out..God I’m old.
And Becky, Happy Birthday. It may not be the day you planned for it to be, but I think you have the imagination and coolness it would take to make it even better.
well, an early happy birthday from me, anyway.
I know how you feel-this year was my 40th and my husband was out of town. Plus 3 people died or were waked on my birthday week, so it really sucked big time. I ended up going to Dominicks and buying a few slices of cake for me and the kids.
Next time you need to let me know-we could meet at Portillos for hot dog, then head to the outlet mall and spend our workaholic husbands hard earned cash!
The Daver is the recipient of some serious Badger Eye around here, even if he can’t see it. Boo, The Daver. Boo on you.
Anyway, I’m adding another vote to “leaving the kids with your parents while you escape to a day spa”.
Happy Birthday, Becks. I wish I could hang out with you.
Boo, hiss, Daver! Becky deserves some pampering! I, too, add my vote to the “leave the kids with your parents and escape” contingent. Only I think you should take a week. Let the Daver find out the hard way how much work kids can be. In any event, “HAPPY BIRTHDAY”! I’ll raise a glass in your honor tomorrow.
Aw, I’m sorry that your birthday was not special. Can I help?
You are 28. You are not 5. He is supporting you being able to stay home with your kids. I understand being a little upset but you are having a whine fest honey. You say you had to “beg” your parents to spend time with you when you see them everyday. If you see them every day why’d you have to beg? Also, they are whose responsible for your birth. They are who you should be with. Bitch and moan if your husband misses your KIDS birthdays completely. Your birthday is on a Tuesday. People celebrate their birthdays all the time on days that are just a little more convenient to those around them. And if you are so unhappy with always wiping poopy buts bring someone in once a week to do it for you, or enroll them in a daycare, or get your parents to watch them one day a week and go DO something. You are taking what you have for granted. You have 2.5 kids, are able to be a stay at home mom, and a good hard-working husband. You live near your parents. You are talented. Seriously, at 28 your birthday IS just another day. It’s not even a big one. You aren’t turning 30, 16, or 5. And why would he actually try to take a day or a week off now when he knows it’s not going to be enough for you now.
Would you like me to take care of Kendra for you? I will.
I am one badassed middle aged bitch.
Hugs and love and all good things.
And Kendra – it is called a sense of humor – get one.
Wow, I was gonna wish you a happy birthday. But then I read Kendra’s comment.
Now I just want to kick some bloggy arse.
Hon, I hope the day is spectacular for you. Find the extraordinary in the ordinary. Maybe your kid will poop out a lego for you. Wink, wink.
Thinking of you, darlin’.
Happy Birthday Becky!! I wish we lived in the same city and you could still drink, because then I would drag you out and make you have fun. (Obviously, I think you need to drink to have fun, which doesn’t say alot about me!). Hope you have a good day!
Just stopping back here today to wish you a happy birthday! 😀
Hey, duder. I tagged you with an award. Go visit my blog and see.
Happy Birthday, dude. I can feel you on the 80+ hour weeks. It sucks. I hope your birthday turns out better than you thought!
Booo Daver! Men sure can suck! WEll I would of just thrown myself a little fit and cried and felt so unloved and pissed and moaned and hope I got my way! If I wore mascarra (which I don’t anymore since I went ahead and changed the gender well mascarra just don’t look good on me lol!) ….it would of been funning down my face!
I hear you, and even if you are so lucky to have such a wonderful hard working man that allows you to stay home with the kids day in and day out all alone to wipe poo booty, and snot, and then go hurl in the toilet because you have morning sickness (are you getting my point hear?) and then drag your ass around becasue your so tired from growing a baby…….well it’s your birthday and if wanting to spend it doing something different then you should be able to.
I’m sorry. I hope you made it through your day and I hope that something real special comes your way real soon. Being a stay at home mom is one of the hardest jobs in the world…I know I did it and do it for over 20 years except now I’m a dad and it is even harder.
With love I’ll be thinking of you.
Dear Becky,
Happy Birthday To You! A special present awaits you at Twisted Family Antics. I feel guilty because I had so much fun making it. You’re the best.
xo
Aunt Becky,
I can SO, and too much, relate to this account. I really can. The year before last (my 29th?) I asked my husband to take me to dinner (just the two of us). He said he had a surprise for me and to dress up! I did and guess what we did? We went to his mother’s house for dinner (like we do every week) for MY birthday dinner! All night, I kept whispering “where are we going after this?” and finally I realized, no where. I choked back disappointed tears all night and probably seemed like an ungrateful B**** to his mother but I was sooo sad about it. Last year, I told him I did NOT want to go to his mother’s. I hate my B-day too, because I hate surprises (that disappoint), mtoher’s day too for that matter!
I know what you mean, just give you a day off of the normal kids and poo! I want the same for mine. I spend a lot of birthdays with my parents too. It’s not pathetic, they are the reason you have a birthday! Don’t you want your kids, at 28 to want to be there with you too? They will, I bet.
This is my brother’s b-day too! Happy B-Day Aunt B and I hope it turns out better. IF I were near, I would totally take you out for sparkling water! (but I’d have a beer)
I’m sorry girl – and want to wish a big ole happy birthday! Us girls with the Cancer birthdays (especially those this week – mine was the 13th) have to stick together! I will be sitting here eating cake with you in spirit – just let me know the time. Are you thinking afternoon, or evening? You pick the flavor, I’ll just help you eat it, okay? We could pretend that sparkling water is more like a martini…dirty or a Grey Goose…or perhaps if you like the more froo froo ones – an Appletini? I’m a hell of a mixer 🙂 Honestly, I hope it is a better birthday than it originally seems.
As far as your observation – yes you indeed are a smart cookie- both of us with the UUs and the problems are due likely to the UU. Some UU girls get lucky and have normal pregnancies, and no problems with infertility. A UU can make getting pregnant difficult, but the more risks involved actually come once you get pregnant. That’s why some UUs choose gestational surrogacy. But you were right on the money! Incompetent cervix, preterm labor, and IUGR are some of the main concerns with a UU. Hugs to you birthday girl!
[…] 15, 2008 by fivehusbands Today is Aunt Becky’s Birthday and we are all putting on our Sunday best to throw her a fabulous […]
Aunt Becky,
Come on over to Five Husbands for your very own birthday shout out from golden boy Son No. 1 (who was barely awake but couldn’t wait to say Happy Birthday)!
Hugs and love from Ohio!
Aww, baby…I’m sorry. That sucks – and your reason is so much like my own for loathing birthdays. I might not mind them so much if I felt like anyone actually cared about them and maybe once in a while wanted to celebrate, oh, my being born or whatnot. I got tired of planning my own birthday parties, baking my own cakes, and practically begging people to celebrate with me. I quit years ago, and now…well, my Mum remembers and that’s about it.
Yeah, unless I write him notes and remind him fifty three time a minute during the weeks leading up to the day, even my husband doesn’t do a damn thing. I feel so fucking loved, lemme tell ya.
In a perfect world, the people we loved would understand that it’s not about gifts – it’s about feeling treasured, feeling as though they are happy that we came into this life, feeling as though the day we were born has some meaning beyond adding another year to our tally. Also, gifts. Lots of gifts.
Shade and Sweetwater,
K (I can bake you a cake but you’ll have to come and get it)
I was a little hard on you. You took your bad day out on the internet and I took mine out on you. Sorry. Don’t get me wrong, I stand by a lot if not most of what I said. But I love your writing and you are entitled to a bad day. Happy Birthday.
I came back to check out Kendra’s comment. I am amused.
In all deference to Kendra, can you imagine having to blow Hugh Hefner regularly? It’s got to be all shriveled up and shit . . .
DNFTT
Happy Birthday
Hi, Aunt Becky
I came over from Mrs. Spit’s spot. Happy (belated) 28th.
I have a dh who works insane hours too; now that the kids are older it’s easier…but remembering some of those days of trying to get a meal on the table with one child clinging to my leg and crying and the other hollering from another room with trouble with homework or a toy or something–shudder. I too know how outraged you can feel when several days off get whittled down to one, which then becomes a half-day, which then becomes no day off at all, which then becomes working very very late. You may also be a veteran of the “I’m-coming-home-at-6” call, to get a call at 7 saying “I’m-coming-home-at-8”, lather, rinse, repeat. But then the worst of all is when he doesn’t understand why the upset: why should that be bothersome? It’s very difficult to be asked to explain the obvious, and no one should ever be put in that position.
I think sometimes the most satisfying of rants can raise the anxiety of others, who then want to fix things for you so they can quit being anxious. I’m glad to see that Kendra came to her senses and apologized–to be reprimanded for how you were feeling was probably salt in the wound.
Nice ‘meeting’ you, Aunt Becky! I’m eager to look around your blog some more.
Those were major slog days
In hindsight AB, its not clear daver was ever the one for you. What kind of ahole forgets his wife’s birthday and shit? Seriously?