Go Ask Aunt Becky
Dear Aunt Becky,
Who is the Mormon-Faced kid from American Idol?
Oh you mean the one I talked about on Friday?
(frantically googles)
MORMON FACE.
That guy. Kris Allen. He’s the Mormon-Faced kid from American Idol.
Tell me I’m not right.
Dear Aunt Becky,
This is probably a stupid question, but…
I would love to post on Band Back Together, but I can’t figure out how. Do you have to register on the website? Is there some kind of “submit post” button I’m missing?
Am I just a huge fucking idiot who can’t figure out something totally obvious?
That is most assuredly NOT a stupid question, Prankster. It’s a weird concept and we’re working on a new site design to make it a little…easier for everyone involved. But I don’t have it up yet, so just bear with me. (also: April’s BB2G theme is up!)
So, you go to the main screen, Band Back Together.com, right?
Looks like this:
For the how to contribute guidelines, well, it’s a little hard to read, but that’s all the boring stuff about how to write a wordpress post (it’s a brief, semi-decent wordpress tutorial), disclaimers, all the other stuff.
It also has a brief explanation of how to register for the site, which you must do to post anything. This box is found on the sidebar of the blog. Your other WordPress accounts will not (unfortunately) transfer, so you must register here.
It’ll take you to a log-in page. Register there.
You can change your password at any time, but your username cannot, so choose something you like.
When you are done, click the Register Button.
You must use a valid email address.
Why?
Your password (a jumbled up mixture of letters and numbers) will be emailed to you. Once you log-in for the first time, change your password.
Once on the site, click “Profile” from the sidebar. From there, you have a ton of different options.
If you want a link to your blog, add both first and last name (can be made up) and blog URL if you want your posts to link back to your blog.
If you want a custom avatar, instead of the generic monster-y looking one WordPress will assign you, go here.
If you need more instructions for how to post on a WordPress blog, please go here, to the wordpress tutorial. Any other questions, let me know.
Dear Aunt Becky,
My (adult) sisters are fighting – the kind of clawing at your soul, crying wracking sobs because it seems like it’ll never be ok, echoes forever fighting that you hope never to be a part of, ever. Of course, each thinks the other is to blame, and (of course), they are both a little bit right. Each of them has done hurtful things to the other, and the repercussions of those hurtful things seem never ending.
One did apologize and try to stitch a relationship back together, but it was thrown back in her face; the other thinks she has done nothing to apologize for and feels our family is blaming her for sticking up for herself.
It is just one of those situations where I am totally helpless, and yet everyone expects me to have the answer. I’d like to help them, they’ve both asked me for help, but I am completely clueless as to how to do that when everything I say seems – to them – as if I am taking sides. I don’t want to take sides, I just want things to get better.
I thought you, or your Pranksters, might have some suggestions for helping two sisters, who I know love each other but are just so hurt right now, to come back together.
I really appreciate any ideas you might have ~ thanks!
Sighs.
Families.
Can’t live with ’em, can’t kill ’em.
Sorry to hear you’re being put in the middle of something that doesn’t have a thing to do with you. That’s a pile of bullshit right there.
Now, I’m sure the Pranksters will have plenty to say, but my advice to you is to make it clear that you are not taking sides. Unless you want to ally yourself with one of your sisters (thereby alienating the other), I don’t see any other alternative beyond declaring yourself neutral.
You’re not responsible for fixing any problems but your own, no matter how much you want to. Sometimes, the best thing to do is to stay back and let the fight take it’s course.
I’m really sorry I don’t have a better answer.
Pranksters?
My cardinal rule for family fights has always been to declare myself Switzerland. Tell them both that you love them and care about them (both) very much, and because of that you’re unwilling to become a middleman. It sucks, I know, and I hope it gets better, but you won’t be able to fix it for them.
I have to agree with Aunt Becky, final prankster. You are Switzerland. In fact, maybe you should take a vacation to Switzerland to get away from all of the family craziness.
Ok, on the sisters fighting issue–all I can say is, Hub’s grandmother was one of three sisters and she, for over 40 years, couldn’t let each of them know that she was talking to the both of them because, if she had, they both would have stopped talking to her too. These stupid ass women went TO THEIR GRAVES never having made up–they didn’t talk to each other for close to 50 years. And Hub’s poor grandmother had to live that long sneaking around just to have a relationship with each of them. It was bitter and sad and NO ONE in the family had any respect for either of them. Plus, each of them lost their credibility. They were selfish and stupid and died alone. I don’t know if this story helps at all but you are welcome to share it in the off chance that it will. Otherwise, I agree with Sarah- book a trip to Switzerland!
Yep. I always call myself Swiss whenever this shit comes up.
Holy crapola. I officially love that my family is the epitome of not-drama. (My mother drives my father (her ex) for hospital visits, my parents were THRILLED when I brought home my half-brother (from my father’s 1st marriage), my entire family was OVER THE MOON when my uncle found out he had a 6yo daughter. And it’s never occurred to any of my siblings to fight!) Best of luck – I vote for Switzerland, too. =(
Ok, this might only work for my family cuz we’re a buncha crazy rednecks, but when my family would do stuff like this, I would look at them and say, I love you but I’m not taking anyone’s side. You’re all acting like a bunch of dumbasses so either shut the fuck up or fight it out like adults. They pretty much left me out of their fights after that. Go figure.
Stay out of the fight but bring them all out to a strip club, buy the first two rounds and everything will go better from there.
Have them each write a letter to the other that expresses all the hurt, the rage, etc. of whatever they are fighting about. Then have them each write a letter to the other that expresses the love and need they felt for the other before the fight happened. Then tear all the letters up and call it over, and the three of you go do something together that gives you a sense of doing something together but doesn’t leave much time for talking to each other, like kayaking or a cooking class.
Ok, I agree too as one of 3 sisters (2 brothers too, but this shit doesnt go on with them). Stay like all the hell neutral. BUT what if you are one of 2 sisters who thinks the other sister is a piece of shit loser who takes advantage of our parents?
For example, her birthday is this week and her friend asked her to dinner, which morphed into my parents taking her friend, her kid, her. And ME to dinner at the most expensive joint in town. (did I mention she is 42 and living at home rent free?)
My Mom called and asked me to go because she is seething and needs grounding.
So basically. Everyone is always mad at my sister. But we all pretend not to be.
Sorry for the rant 😛
I’ve got one of those families that does everything together, and because my cousins, my sisters and sisters in law are all high strung neurotic types, we’re no strangers to drama. Fights happen, and I’m the peacemaker 99% of the time.
I tend to be the one who says…look we’re family and like it or not, we’re stuck together. If I were in your shoes, I’d go about family life like you normally would, spending equal amounts of time with each sister and making it clear that you refuse to be put into the middle of their fight. If they pull the “If she’s there, I won’t be there” crap, then look them in the face and say, I love my sisters and I will not exclude one to please the other…you can either come or not come, but I will not be drawn into this.
Given enough time, they’ll understand that you really mean it. Hopefully, your sisters find a way to reconcile, but stay out of it so that you can maintain your relationships with them.
I have stories I want to share on band back together too and I registered, did the whole e-mail password/change it thing and it NEVER works. WordPress does not like me or my stories…..I think I’ve been able to comment on some stuff but can’t actually submit a story of my own.
((AND to top it all off, I can’t even comment here on Mommywantsvodka without switching from Firefox to Internet Explorer)
LAME. Email them to me along with your username for the site.
Hunh. I never thought of someone as being Mormon faced before, but I’ll be snookered if he isn’t the epitome right there. Good call, AB.
Switzerland all the way! And now I really want some hot chocolate.
Family bullshit is hard.
Also- my new favorite adjective is Mormon-faced. Although strangely enough the Mormons that came to my door this morning were awfully Lutheran-faced. Clever disguise, I suppose. I didn’t fall for it. We just hid behind our couch until they left.
I live in Utah. You’re right. Total Mormon-Faced dude right there.
He SO is Mormon-faced.
*giggle
Being stuck in the middle of family fights that aren’t yours sucks. Moments like this I’m glad to be an only child. Hopefully they will respect her neutral-ness until they can get their acts together and stop fighting!
I had one of those fights with my sister.5 years later we are just about ok again after some shared life changing experiences gave us some persepctive (motherhood mainly!)It still hurts, i still believe it was her fault but then i get to choose if her behaviour hurts me or not, right?
the prankster is doing teh right thing already by not taking sides and the only other advice I would have for her is to remember its not her fault and to allow them space to dislike each other if they want, because sometimes trying to force people together before they find their own way can end up with them being even further apart and those in the middle get the blame from BOTH sides!