Go Ask Aunt Becky
Dear Aunt Becky,
I’m a fan, a kindred spirit, and I have a question. I enjoy writing and have been encouraged by friends and sisters to start a blog to document my take on my daughter’s life. So here’s my conundrum…when I’m not working and parenting (for better or worse), I am a community volunteer who is heavily involved in my very small southern town.
Hell, I was just named Woman of the Year!
The good god-fearin’ folks here do not know me as the foul-mouthed, non-domestic heathen that I really am. (Did I mention that I have a track or two from Ice T’s Body Count on my iPod?)
So I want to know what I should do. I don’t think I can truly be myself without, well, being myself. But I fear exposing the ol’ “man behind the curtain.” Your advice is appreciated.
Well, Prankster, here’s my advice, which happens to be something I’ve been thinking about a lot (for separate reasons):
You are the one in charge of what you tell the world.
I understand why you don’t want to expose the Real You, and here’s the kicker, you don’t have to! The Daver has gone over the reasons anonymous on The Internet is never quite anonymous, (and in my opinion, a waste of time, energy and brain cells on your end), but that doesn’t mean you can’t simply not mention that you have a blog to the very good Southern God-Fearing Folks you know.
The best bloggers I know capture a moment in time, a feeling, bring you into their lives – their real lives – without having to show you everything, and that’s what makes them a cut above the rest; they’ve managed to find that elusive balance between sharing enough and sharing too much (I mean, the minute-by-minute play-by-play of your day doesn’t typically make exciting reading unless you’re a circus performer or something).
Pick a pseudonym, don’t pass out business cards with your blog URL at fundraisers, don’t link it to your Facebook Profile, rise above gossiping about your neighbors, bitching about anyone in particular, and, if it makes you feel more comfortable, make access to your blog invite-only. If someone you know stumbles across it, well, they do. At least you’re not complaining about how gross Mary Jo’s Super Spam Casserole is.
I wish you luck, Prankster. If you take the leap, I’m sure you’ll do it well.
(and, um I totally want to be named Woman Of The Year by someone other than myself)
Dear Aunt Becky,
What the fuck? I need you! You are my mentor and I need your advice and the advice of your Pranksters.
Here goes: I began a blog back in June. I have a set of haters who are making me think maybe I need to close the blog and make it for only those who truly appreciate my…um…sense of humor…self…love of sex…and, of course, foul language.
At any rate, I would not sweat it but these haters are my fucking sisters! They creep around blog, look for shit about themselves so they can complain to my mother. Again…WHAT THE FUCK! Oh, these women are in their 50’s! Can you fucking believe that?!
My mom tells them to stop reading, but it bugs me that they still do.
I look forward to your advice because your blog is not only open but it is honest which is what I love!
Am I ruining my chances of having Mark Wahlberg read my blog if i make it “private”??
What do you suggest?
P.S. I know my spelling sucks so feel free to correct. Love ya and hope you are on the road to recovery.
Knowing there are people out there who read your blog for the sole purpose of picking each post apart to mock, criticize and laugh about is one of the hardest things to get used to. Sure, the Internet Mole People (trolls) who pop up now and again to say, “U Sux Whor,” can hurt the old feelers, but the ones out there silently waiting for you to fuck up so they can gloat and cheer; those are worse.
I can’t tell you anything beyond what I tell myself (especially when I pretend that I’m Jack Bauer working the counter-terrorist unit, and then I run around the house yelling, “DAMMIT!”): “don’t let them win.”
If you stop blogging because a couple of assholes are sitting behind their computer, wishing you ill, well, maybe it’ll make you feel better in the short-term, but in the long run, how would that make you feel?
When I do stop blogging, it’ll be because I am done. Not because a couple of asswipes – even asswipes who used to be my friends – hate me.
Sure it bothers me sometimes, just like it bothers you, but I’ll be dipped in pig shit if I let it stop me.
My advice to you is this: decide how much blogging matters to you. Decide how much it matters knowing your sisters are trolling your blog, looking for shit on you. Can you blog happily knowing that your sisters are there? Will you be unhappy if you close your blog because they’re being assjackets?
Which matters more?
That should give you your answer right there, Prankster.
I wish you luck. I’ve been in your shoes and I do understand.
In the end, I’ve decided that I have to do what I love, and if people are out there rooting for me to fail, well, they’ll be rooting for my failure whether or not I’m blogging it.
——————
Pranksters, I think this a great discussion topic. I look forward to hearing your opinion on both of these blogging issues. So please, weigh in.
And, should you have a question that you want my worthless opinion about, please submit it to the Go Ask Aunt Becky button at the top of the screen.
Oh how I wish my asswipe brother would read my blog and comment–that would encourage me to write lewd stuff about him every day of the week!
BWAHAHAHAHAHA!
Great advice, Miss Becky.
My two cents: If you’re just writing for the love of writing and value your privacy, keep a journal. If you’re writing because you want to share your words and make connections, blog.
Exactly, home-slice.
I write my blog for me, I don’t care what others think. Sometimes I over share oh well fuck em if they can’t take a joke.
And I’m with Pam there are people, my asswipe half brothers included that I wish would read my blog and call me out on comments so I could go all gangsta and shit on em, in an all out gangsta war via comments. Sorry I’m feeling very a territory war here. But I’m just saying people need to grow up and if you can’t handle it say something what?
And I try to mention my children by name to keep them private because of personal reasons. I am up for whatever you want to throw at me BRING IT BITCHES. But my kids aren’t anyone’s business. I am with AB here though maybe just not invite the Gog fearing southern folk to your blog? And for the record I win Mother AND Woman of the year EVERY Year in my head.
And Ironically the g and d not even right next to each other. So that was to be the God fearing not gog, but I must say I fear gog more than God right now.
I won the Nobel Prize in Awesomeness for getting out of bed today.
I couldn’t agree with you more – I just started writing an anonymous blog. I write under an obviously fake name. I’ve been through a lot, and I find it cathartic – I get to get all of those feelings out, and the comments make me feel like I’m not so isolated, and finally starting to re-connect with the world.
Yes, my abuser might find and read it – So What – that person is already angry. And I have been “quiet” for many many years about all the twisted shit that has been happening in this house. So now I’m gonna share a little.
Yes, someone who knows me might read something I have written. Even though I don’t use locations or names, maybe they might even realize that I’m the person who wrote it, but considering risk vs reward, think it’s worth it. I need to write right now. So I will. And when I have nothing more to say I will stop. And well put, Kristin – “Fuck ’em if they can’t take a joke!”
To Prankster #1, I have been blogging for 3-1/2 years, about controversial and very personal issues, as MYSELF (real name, real photo of me, real names when appropriate, etc.) I live in a small farming town of 3500. I don’t blog anonymously, but rather hide in plain sight. I have accepted that someone could find my blog, but I am also cautious with my internet dealings to reduce the chances of that happening. The real question is are you ready to present yourself – as you are – for all of the world to see? If you want to maintain the facade then you might want to consider a private blog or a hand-written journal.
To Prankster #2, although mine are not family, I have a few judgey-McJudgers who frequent my blog. It bothers me – some days more than others. One of the things I would tell anyone who decides to start blogging is to be cautious with whom you share your blog … especially if you are blogging as a means to vent about life’s challenges as, chances are, you’ll eventually want to blog about one of those people you’ve told about your blog. If you are really concerned, start a new blog, and don’t share it with family this time.
*nods*
Yep. What she said.
Good advice on the pseudonym. I also am an alter-ego. (or split personality, potato-po-tat-o) I have people I KNOW come to the site and not know it’s me. tee hee.
I may not be god fearing but them Stepford bitches creep me the hell out!
Bwahahaha. I’m not overly thrilled by the idea of my neighbors reading my blog, but I’ve accepted the possibility. Does that make sense?
You are the ONLY blogger that I’ve come across on twitter that does
not have to “Beg” people to read your posts. I feel sad for the bloggers
who constantly ask readers, over and over again, to read their posts.
There certainly is an audience on twitter for all types of writers,
whether you are “G” “PG” or “R”…I wish them all good luck!
As usual, you’ve given everyone good advice!
No, I am not a robot!
As always, great advice Becky! I write my blog because I enjoy it. So what if the only people reading it are my kids and family? Yes, I hear from others that I know that they “love” what I write and that makes me feel good. I never attack other people for what they do and how they act, rather I tell it like it is in a way that gets them to think and perhaps smile.
I was telling one of my daughter’s about your blog the other night… *must remember to add you to my site so others can enjoy*
I just don’t think the internet is all that anonymous. Here’s the last reason why: Last year around this time, I blogged about my childhood bully. She was on my mind as she was connected to plenty of the same person I am on The FB. I have a different, and Chinese last name (I’m white), and my FB picture is of my Lego trains — er, I mean my kids’ … but one day they will be MINE ALL MINE. Anyhoo, she never knew who I was while I could follow her around … I know, it’s stalking, but … Her commenting behaviour on FB borders on trolldom sometimes, though she apparently means well, so I needed to write something about her and our history on my blog to get it out of my mind.
Long story slightly shorter, last summer she FOUND MY BLOG, poked around, and read the post. She didn’t even know who I was until that moment, and she recognised herself! Uh …
Anyway, she commented, which was weird. But my point is, she, of all people, found my blog. Interesting … I mean, she wasn’t in my life for a good 20 years, and she found it. So …
What did she say???
Personally, I am exactly like I am in real life in my blog but I realize that other people don’t have that luxury. If you’re dying to be yourself but can’t, I’d go the anonymous route. Keep in mind that if you get found out it will be a gigantic clusterfuck and that you won’t be able to tell local people about it.
Having said that, I’m a believer in no pretense, hence the reason that I’ve never been woman of the year. On the hand, I’m pretty sure that I’m comfortable in my own skin.
Your choice though
I don’t write blogs because my writing sucks, but I do read blogs. In my opinion, people should write about what they want to and let the chips fall where they may. I’m old enough to have learned to stop worrying about how other feel or what they think about me…thick skin is the key…don’t stop blogging…just one guy’s opinion.
sorry, no robot here…
To the second advice seeker: I have horrible blog lurkers, too. My exgirlfriend and her wife, my daughter’s father and his ex-wife. I’ve had things I’ve written be mangled and twisted and turned around to be used against me in the worst possible way. I have more than once contemplated making my blog private…but that defeats the entire purpose of why I write. I write because I want to write, because I want to get the crap in my head out on the page, because writing means something…and because I want to meet up with people who get me, and maybe, just maybe…I want to know that there are people out there who also think it’s as funny as I do that my Boston Terrier snores and farts so bad it makes me eyes water.
Also…I’ve had a couple of things I wanted to post, but didn’t feel comfortable posting it on my own blog, so I posted them on Mushroom Printing and Band Back Together. Both communities are amazing, because everything Aunt Becky does is amazing. Yes, I’m stalking her. Stop judging me!
one of my very best friends recently dumped me because I’m apparently not a good enough friend. one of the reasons? she’s convinced I attack her in my blog. and, well, I don’t. but you can’t do anything about what others perceive.
you just have to keep true to your voice. I love to blog. I’ve met people who appreciate my words. and it’s great therapy. screw the haters. if they want to project their insecurities onto what you do, you can’t control that.
To Prankster #2
I had a similar problem with my first blog. I kept getting very nasty, confronting comments by ‘Anonymous’ (don’t you just love their bravery). I ignored it and continued to blog, until one day my dad asked me why I didn’t publish his comments. Here I was thinking there was some weirdo sitting in a dark room somewhere sending me hate in some sort of freaky horror movie way. I had to eventually shut the blog down and started a new one with a different name. Thankfully most people aren’t savvy enough to track down the second one unless I tell them about it. The new one isn’t private, but I don’t really yell about it to the world.
If your sisters are turning what should be an enjoyable past time into something nasty, you could tell them you have bored of blogging and arent doing it any more and just move it somewhere else. Hopefully they aren’t mental enough to track the second one down.
Good luck 🙂
Soraya
I have been going on 40 for six years now. Heh. My husband doesn’t even know. 🙂
Exactly as you said, I just don’t mention it to coworkers and other PTA moms.
I don’t bash people because I always assumed my family would find it. I do have a second email account just for the blog and I recommend that – whyshould someone searching my name find my blog?
I post Hipstamatic pictures, various updates on being unemployed /getting a job/ having cancer, and other random stuff that amuses me. It’s not a big deal. Just amusing myself really.
I say she posts something so raunchy about them (especially if it sounds like truth), they’d never tell her mother. If they ever mouth off again, do it again and threaten to name them.
VD is always a good topic in that regard.
Of course, I don’t have sisters, so I might be discounting the idea that she actually wants to keep her asshole sisters in her life (Lord knows why, though.)
And this is why you do the advice.
If only Jack Bauer would stop drinking in his personal life and yelling DAMMIT (which, HOT, btw) in his professional life, maybe he could “take care of” these little troublemakers. Oh, and I get to watch. And drool.
Another suggestion when common idiots criticize, malign, and otherwise attempt to make you question what is, let’s face it, your fabulous self, write ridiculous poetry about them.
Mark RM Walberg?
Yes! Please and thank you!
I used to have a blog that I loved, it was Anonymous because of where I work and that I come from a political family.
Nothing too risky nothing raunchy either. Just day to day things in my life, and jokes and things about work (With all name changes and no reference to where i worked.
When elections came around, everything I had on the internet, annonymous and non annonymous started popping up on debate sights. *sigh* I absolutly love to write and miss it something awful.
But just remeber ppl, annonymous is NEVER annonymous, not on the internet highway.
Write. There is no such thing as anonymous. Write.
If it is in you wanting to come out, write.
Hi! Found you while googling for advice on anonymous blogging. Great advice you give here. I’m following (oops, almost wrote swallowing – that would have been weird) you on twitter.
Thanks much!