…Better Left Unsaid.
Does anyone else remember that old phrase that goes something like, you’ll remember every insult you recieve but almost none of the compliments? (Did I make that saying up?) Even as someone who suffers often from a chronic case of Foot in Mouth-itis, I am here to tell you that it’s 100% true.
And the worst offenders are the unintentional slights, because for some reason, those remain with me to this day, where I play them over and over in my head (only on bad days). The blatent “I hate you’s” and “You’re ugly’s” and “Did you even make sure that your clothes matched today, Becky’s” are usually dismissed outright.
But who can forget such stellar comments as those delivered by frenemies? I vividly remember a couple of months after I had delivered Ben, I was out with one of my few Mommy friends. She casually mentioned her weight, which matched mine, so I said so (as a rule, I very seldom mention my actual numbers to anyone but Weight Watchers), to which she replied “Yeah, well, it looks better on me.” Ouch. Haven’t seen much of her since then.
Or how about the one I heard when I was picking Ben out a toy? This one’s a doozy, because I’m STILL unsure of whether or not this was intended to be rude. The comment was something like “It would be so easy to spoil my child,” which may or may not have implied that I was spoiling my own. I STILL DON’T KNOW AND IT DRIVES ME INSANE.
I’m equally guilty of doing this myself: I’ll never forget my mortification when I casually remarked to a Movado employee while I was picking out my engagement ring, “Yeah, well, heart shaped diamond engagement rings are SUPER tacky.” Oops. She was in line to inherit her mothers. That was a dick-move on my part.
Sunday, Dave mentioned that he would watch the baby overnight for me so that I could get some (much deserved) rest. Since we’re working on getting him into his crib (yeah, yeah, yeah, smirk away, assholes. He’s been in his (now with added broken motor!) swing since birth. I am a horrible excuse for a mother AND a terrible cook. It’s a friggin’ miracle anyone married me.), this came as a welcome and much appreciated break for me.
Alex rewarded Dave for his generousity by graciously sleeping 5+ hours in a row, which at this point we’re calling ‘sleeping through the night.’ I wake up more rested and refreshed than I’ve been in years. So I rewarded myself with a nap. It was like a sleep-binge and I adored every moment of it.
Later that day, Dave mentions how “easy it was to listen for him,” which translated in my greedy head into “I’ll take the baby another night, Darling Wife” (what it REALLY sounded like was “what the hell are you complaining about, woman! This kid is SO EASY and getting up all of the time is NO PROBLEM AT ALL!). I giggled wickedly, as I knew that lightening doesn’t often strike in the same place twice.
So he agreed to do it for one more night (although it took some convincing and reminding him of HOW DAMN EASY HE’D SAID THAT IT WAS. Motherfucker.). Last night, Alex displayed to his father just how “easy” it is to listen for him overnight, by promptly waking up every 1-3 hours. Hilarious but unfortunate (mainly because this means that the baby is not likely to start miraculously sleeping through the night).
Dish, now people, dish for poor, sleepy Aunt Becky. Come sit on my couch here (pats seat conspiratorially) and tell me a story about something you unintentionally said to someone that was inadvertantly nasty OR something someone has said to YOU that made you feel like dog poo, but without meaning to.
I work with an absolute twig of a girl. She prob wears a size 2, but buys 4’s b/c she likes her pants baggy. She is currently pregnant with twins. And she was telling me how maternity pants drive her crazy b/c she hates anything being tight around the belly. My well meaning self suggests she go purchase woman sizes. I’m such a dick. The irony is that even with 2 almost full term babies in her, I prob still outweigh her.
When I was in 2nd grade I called a girl in my class a bad name. Granted I had no idea what the word meant- it was just something I had heard & it sounded funny. Sadly the girl knew what it meant and she tattled and I had to have an afternoon of repenting (as much as a 2nd grader could handle)
Decades later I was back in town to visit family and was so full of myself being a drama major at a fancy university in a fancy town. The family had decided to go out to eat at one of those mundane cafeteria style restaurants at the mall.
While there, and being all big in my britches, this woman came up to me and asked if I was ‘Calliope’. I said I was and she said that she was the girl I called that bad word in the 2nd grade and that she thinks about me every day. (& I imagine not in a good way) I was mortified and tried to apologize but she had none of it.
I still feel horrible about it.
I am sure I insult people everyday, but the example that popped into my head was what I said to sister-in-law when she told me that she was pregnant. I have always been so close to my brother who is one year older than me and my sis-in-law is truly my best friend. The 3 of us did everything together. So when they unexpectedly got pregnant – and the nerve to be really happy about it – I was too shocked to share their joy. I fumbled through a few “oh my god”‘s and “awesome”‘s but then I looked her dead in the eye and said “But I am not ready to have a baby yet. I didn’t know you guys were trying. I really wish you would have told me this was a coming.” I made it all about me and I couldn’t pretend to be overjoyed. I didn’t mean to hurt her feelings, but I totally did.
Um – after reading Calliope’s story I must say. It was 2nd grade. The girl she insulted needs to GET OVER IT. Maybe a little therapy to stop thinking about it everyday 20 years (or so) later.
Some girl in high school told me “You look very ugly today, Kristin”…now if I could just remember who that was….
Let’s see…
My father’s sister’s mother-in-law once said to my mother at a party: “Some of us prefer to be fashionable. You obviously prefer to eat.”
And, I could tell you two stories of things I said when I was a small-town Canadian kid suddenly living on another continent, but I don’t think I want my friend the Internet to know about them. They were TERRIBLE. But the sort of innocent comment a naive 12 year old kid made without any idea of how bad they were. Oy. I shudder in recollection.
Wow, Cali, I can’t believe that someone would hold a grudge like that for so long. That’s sad.
Kristin, WHAT A BITCH THAT GIRL WAS! Want me to go kick her ass?…….
Oh wait, that was me, wasn’t it?
Jeez, Gail. I can only imagine. I have a similar one, in which I didn’t know what a word meant, and I used it to be hurtful.
AND there was the one time that I thought “clash” meant “match.” So I told my mom’s boss that her earings really clashed with her shirt.